Quotes
“Newports, Hennessy, an eighth, and some good dick.”
–Virginia McCaskey, on what goes on in the owners’ box
March 27, 2024
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“I’ll happily join whatever team is willing to have me.”
–Russell Wilson, on forgetting the Panthers exist
March 27, 2024
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“He told me only cowards made the Super Bowl.”
–Jordan Love, on playoff advice Aaron Rodgers
March 27, 2024
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“Let’s get silly. You and me.”
–Mark Davis, Vegas Raiders Owner, speaking directly to his line of cocaine
March 27, 2024
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“It might surprise you people, but I believe in reparations.”
–Jerry Jones, on having players pay back their salaries after a disappointing season
March 27, 2024
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“I’ve made arrangements to be shot out of a dick cannon.”
–Jerry Jones, what he’ll do if the Cowboys win the big one
March 27, 2024
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“I’ll return back to the wicked vortex from whence I came. Lurking. Waiting. Preparing for the emergence of the next ‘one.’ Upon which my form shall return and my reign will be ruthless.”
–Bill Belichick, announcing his departure from the New England Patriots
March 27, 2024
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“I retire the greatest college football coach of all time. Thank you for everything. Also, fuck the Dolphins.”
–Nick Saban, reflecting on his career
March 27, 2024
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“We’re pivoting. Rethinking some strategies.”
–Jim Harbaugh, currently hacking into the servers at Washington University’s campus
March 27, 2024
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