BASKETBALL
“It’s really hard to believe I made it to 40,000.”
–LeBron James, on the number of times he’s faked an injury
“My lawyers have informed me to refrain from using the common idiom ‘BANG, BANG’ as it’s no longer a good look for me.”
–Ja Morant, continuing to own guns
“Marcus and Jasmine will go down this year. That’s two.”
–Michael Jordan, on which of his children have been instructed to go into cardiac arrest in response to Bronny James’ heart attack
LeBron Lives Up To ‘King James’ Nickname By Releasing His Own Authorized Version Of The Bible
LeBron James announced today in a press conference held on the parapets of his new $36.75 million castle in Los Angeles that he has taken his talents to biblical scholarship
ESPN Holds Hour-Long Special For LeBron James To Announce Whether His Ankle Is Sore
In a dramatic hour-long special televised last night on ESPN, coveted Lakers superstar LeBron James redefined the NBA injured reserve landscape when he announced whether or not his ankle remains
Here’s What We Know About LeBron’s Trade Possibilities After Making Them Up
With the NBA season behind us, it’s time to ramp up the conversation around possible trades that could happen in the association, more specifically the trade rumors we made up
Basketball Geneticists Successfully Breed Wilson Basketball With Gatorade Frost
After years of interspecies cross-fertilization, basketball geneticists announced Friday that they’ve successfully bred Wilson basketballs with Gatorade Frost. The drink-ball zygote marks the single greatest leap forward in the field
Pepsi Halftime Show Finally Converts Lifelong RC Cola Drinker
In what many are calling an unprecedented win for the Pepsi brand, Dallas, Texas, resident and diehard RC Cola drinker Randy Tavarez announced that Pepsi’s famous Halftime show had thoroughly
James Dolan Wins New York Knicks Owner Of The Year Award
James Dolan accepted the “New York Knicks Owner of The Year Award” last night in a lavish ceremony at Madison Square Garden hosted by James Dolan, and attended by employees
The NBA Finally Allow Female Referees To Rig Games
Feminism scored a big win this week when the NBA announced female referees will finally be permitted to rig games, just as their male counterparts have been doing for decades.
Is Steph Curry The GOAT At Looking Like One?
Steph Curry, with his smoove shooting form and boyish good looks, could be considered the greatest basketball player of all time, assuming that this is based on aesthetics, and aesthetics
