BASKETBALL
“It’s really hard to believe I made it to 40,000.”
–LeBron James, on the number of times he’s faked an injury
“My lawyers have informed me to refrain from using the common idiom ‘BANG, BANG’ as it’s no longer a good look for me.”
–Ja Morant, continuing to own guns
“Marcus and Jasmine will go down this year. That’s two.”
–Michael Jordan, on which of his children have been instructed to go into cardiac arrest in response to Bronny James’ heart attack
Pepsi Halftime Show Finally Converts Lifelong RC Cola Drinker
In what many are calling an unprecedented win for the Pepsi brand, Dallas, Texas, resident and diehard RC Cola drinker Randy Tavarez announced that Pepsi’s famous Halftime show had thoroughly
James Dolan Wins New York Knicks Owner Of The Year Award
James Dolan accepted the “New York Knicks Owner of The Year Award” last night in a lavish ceremony at Madison Square Garden hosted by James Dolan, and attended by employees
The NBA Finally Allow Female Referees To Rig Games
Feminism scored a big win this week when the NBA announced female referees will finally be permitted to rig games, just as their male counterparts have been doing for decades.
Is Steph Curry The GOAT At Looking Like One?
Steph Curry, with his smoove shooting form and boyish good looks, could be considered the greatest basketball player of all time, assuming that this is based on aesthetics, and aesthetics
New Orleans Pelican Delivers Baby
Last Friday, Theresa and Frank Saunders’ wish came true. A beautiful baby boy was delivered on their front stoop by none other than a New Orleans Pelican. The couple, who
Reggie Miller Brings Excitement Level Down To 8/10 For Family Funeral
NBA Hall of Fame inductee Reggie Miller is known for bringing a high level of excitement in everything he does, whether it’s his play on the court or his excitable
Sports Returns For On-Hour Reunion Special On ESPN 2
Could there be any better news today? Nearly 14 months after global events forced an abrupt season finale where Golf told close pals Tennis and Billiards that she was pregnant
LeBron’s 10 Best Dunks Described Because We Couldn’t Get The Footage
We rank his ten best, with words since we couldn’t get the footage. The Akron Amazer As a senior in high school, LeBron amazed fans with a dunk that saw
