Articles

Super Bowl Commercial Just A Commercial
Despite hundreds of thousands of write-ins expressing their life-changing experiences as a result of harrowing stories of life, loss and grand achievement, the NFL released a joint statement Friday that

Brady or Mahomes: Who Would You Rather Kiss In The Moonlight?
Okay, readers, I have a confession: I haven’t kissed any professional quarterbacks yet, and, like, yeah, I know it’s a big deal, but I just want to be special, that’s

Roger Goodell Asks Adam Silver For Secret To Befriending Black Athletes
Boldly crossing league lines, NFL commissioner Roger Goodell asked NBA commissioner Adam Silver for the secret to how he got black athletes to like him and want to be his

Dad Teaches Son Everything He Doesn’t Know About Football
A heartwarming yet confusing scene unfolded in suburban Portland this past weekend as a well-meaning father mistaught every facet of football to his beloved son, according to sources within the

Trick Play Blown Up By Well-Placed Land Mine
Yesterday, North Canyon High School ran an explosive trick play to win a critical game against the Milbrook Bobcats and keep their playoff hopes alive. While some may question Coach

Quarterback Rankings Clearly Not Factoring In Hotness
As a football fan, I’m getting a little tired of these so-called “data-driven” lists ranking QBs when it’s clear that their hotness isn’t even entering the equation. Yeah, they show

Risky: We Let This All-Pro Punter Hold Our Dog
It started off like any other Saturday. Then, we took a stroll to the dog park and… Jeremy Ferstein, ten-year NFL punting veteran, approached complimenting Trixie, our adorable bichon frise.

Man Binges Last 58 Super Bowls To Catch Up To Current Season
Attempting to get caught up on all the previous seasons to avoid spoilers before this year’s Super Bowl, local man Ed Taylor is binge-watching the last 58 Super Bowls. Taylor,

Patriots Attempt First All Drone Roster
The Patriots always seem to find themselves one step ahead of the competition. Now after 20 years of unmatched success, the six-time Super Bowl champions are looking for help from

A More Mature Bills Team Officially Changes Team Name
The Buffalo Bills, tired of being treated like the kid of the AFC East, have decided to rebrand themselves to reflect a more mature and adult attitude. The football team,

Jerry Jones Hired As New Cowboys Head Coach
A major shakeup occurred in Dallas over the past weekend, as recent Cowboys head coaching hire Mike McCarthy was unceremoniously set aside in favor of a new and audacious prospect,

If The NFL Cares So Much About Safety, Then Why Don’t Players Wear Seatbelts?
We all know that playing in an NFL game is like a car crash, but that begs the question: If the NFL cares so much about safety and well-being of

Fourteen More Jets Players Retroactively Opt Out Of 2020 NFL Season
On the grounds that the 2020 NFL season is nothing more than an imaginary thought exercise despite it still “continuing” into the “playoffs,” fourteen additional Jets players have joined a
