Articles
We Apologize In Advance: Here Is What Brownie The Elf Thinks Of DeShaun Watson Accusations
CONTENT WARNING: This article contains an unreserved defense of inexcusable acts of sexual misconduct, as well as pejorative terms for several races, many of which we frankly had never heard
LA Prices Force Chargers To Move Back In With Padres
Embarrassed to abandon their Tinseltown dreams, the Los Angeles Chargers have announced the team has moved back to its hometown of San Diego to live with the Padres. According to
Dedicated Player: Trevor Lawrence Breaks Jacksonville Record With 4 Consecutive Days Sobriety
Out of the 23 starting quarterbacks the Jacksonville Jaguars have had since joining the NFL in 1995, none have ever been as dedicated to their health as Trevor Lawrence. In
Reigning Georgia Bulldog Uga the 10th Survives Coup Attempt By Beffalicious III To Retain Title
Speaking from atop his rawhide throne inside Sanford Stadium, current Georgia Bulldog mascot Uga, tenth of his name, declared that order had been restored following a harrowing near-deposition by longtime
Aaron Rodgers Criticizes Two-Story Psychedelic Octopus For Missing Pass Protection Assignment
Following their playoff hopes being dashed by the Detroit Lions, Aaron Rodgers let loose in a post-game interview as he voiced his frustration with a two-story psychedelic octopus after it
Texans Fumble Ball In Open Field In Brave Tribute To Uvalde Police
The Houston Texans took a solemn moment out of their opening drive to fumble the ball without even being touched by an opposing player, in what spectators called a stirring
City Of Pittsburgh To Honor Ben Roethlisberger By Retiring Untested Rape Kits
Pittsburgh city officials announced that ahead of the ceremony honoring the city’s beloved quarterback Ben Roethlisberger, they’d be by retiring several boxes of untested rape kits gathering dust in the
Study: Gender Disparity In Sports Journalism Linked Back To Most Women Not Want To Waste Their Lives
The “Harvard Business Review” released a study Thursday attributing the current gender disparity in sports journalism to women not wanting to completely waste their lives on trivial and inconsequential nonsense.
Tom Brady Can Come Back From Retirement, So Can My Lazy 82-Year-Old Father
Tom Brady — Excellence. Dedication. Sacrifice. My 82-year old dad? Lazy. Bottom-percentile measurables. Retired since 2007. Tom Brady was only retired for a month, so I think the fifteen years
Star Struck: I Just Met Ray Lewis At Knifepoint And Didn’t Know What To Say
It was Friday night in Miami and I rear-ended the Aston Martin in front of me. When I approached the other car to trade insurance information, out stepped former legendary
Adam Schefter Issues Preemptive Apology For Whatever He’s About To Say About Next Athlete’s Death
Following public outcry over his tweet about the death of Pittsburgh Steelers QB Dwyane Haskins, ESPN’s Adam Schefter issued a long-awaited formal preemptive apology for whatever he’s about to say regarding the next major athlete death. “Composing a single tweet about an athlete’s death would
Proactive Lions First-Round Pick Starts Studying To Get Real Estate License
Miles Campbell grew up dreaming of playing in the NFL. Now, after the Detroit Lions selected him with their first-round pick, the college stalwart continues to look ahead to
Jacksonville Jaguars GM Mulls Over Which Prospect To Ruin With No. 1 Pick
Sources close to Jacksonville Jaguars general manager Trent Baalke have reported that the team seems tantalizingly close to finalizing which college football player’s life they will decide to irrevocably destroy
