Articles

‘Hard Knocks’ Finale Will Show Bears Fans Were In Purgatory All Along
WARNING: The following content contains SPOILERS. HBO leaked information Monday about its Season 21 finale of Hard Knocks: Chicago Bears. Lead director Shannon Furman told sources that the final minutes

ESPN To Add “Would Fuck” Feature To Fantasy Football App
Due to extreme demand from fantasy players, owners, and developers, ESPN reportedly will add a “would f*ck” feature to their fantasy football app. “Fans know the stats. But what about

Razorbacks, Longhorns, And 5 Other Teams Named After Animals Their Fans Love To Fuck
College Football has many unanswered questions. Now, we know what you’re thinking. How DID these teams get THESE mascots? Our research shows, those fan bases f*ck those animals. Over and

Jerry Jones Announces Bid For Presidency
In a shocking turn of events, Jerry Jones, Dallas Cowboys owner, has announced his bid for Democratic Nominee in this year’s 2024 presidential election. Surrounded by Cowboys cheerleaders, Jones stepped

An Apology From Our Editors: Will Levis Was Not The Shooter
Hello World. We, here at Sports Riot, have made a grave journalistic error and are here to own up to it. Will Levis was NOT the shooter, from yesterday’s events.

NFL Offseason Update: Titans Still Around
Despite many changes throughout the league during this NFL offseason, Sports Riot has confirmed from multiple sources that the Tennessee Titans “still exist.” A spokesperson for the Tennessee Titans released

Isabelle Butker Stoned To Death For Receiving Unsolicited Job Offer
As is tradition with the strict Butker belief system, sources close to the situation report that Mrs. Isabelle Butker was laid to rest Thursday by hundreds and hundreds of hurled

Report: Expert Legal Team Gets O.J. Into Heaven
Football legend O.J. Simpson was acquitted from Hell this week after a long, highly contentious and publicized trial in the deepest bowels of the Netherworld, Los Angeles County. Analysts agree

Isabelle Butker Receives PH.D. In Astrophysics After Years Of Studying In Secret
In a surprise announcement apparently a decade in the making, NFL spouse and model Isabelle Butker, announced that she had successfully defended the dissertation she had been secretly working on

It’s Mother’s Day! Don’t Forget To Call Your Mom The C-Word By: Aaron Rodgers
I get it – we’re all busy. Chores this, chores that – hell, some of us are even carrying the entire weight of a hopeless franchise on our backs. But

What You Can Do To Support Caleb Williams During This Difficult Time
The NFL Draft is complete despite an unfathomable tragedy that befell a highly touted Heisman Trophy winner with promise. Much to the horror and dismay of the country, USC’s own,

Quiz: Are These Raiders Fans Or Just Lost Juggalos At The Detroit NFL Draft
With two nights of NFL Draft behind us, we keep running into a similar type of person, they’re everywhere, it’s the constant stream of face painted felons across from us

Draft Watch: ‘Drake Maye Will Be Dead Before The Second Round’ And 4 Other Draft Predictions We Got Wrong
Mock Drafts are about BIG risk and BIG bets. Despite our Draft predictions being epic, unfortunately we got more than a few things wrong. Here are the five that aren’t
