Articles

Disney Announces “Angels In The Octagon”
Disney announced this week that its new “Angels In the Octagon” will be set in the popular cage-fighting world of mixed martial arts. Billed as a ‘spiritual sequel’ to the

Quiz: Are You A Zamboni Or Golf Cart?
Take this short quiz to find out if you’re totes a Zamboni or rocking more of a golf cart vibe. Be sure to share your results in the comments!

Hear Us Out: Golf But Minaturized And Filled With Unexpected Obstacles
While watching golf the other day, it dawned on me that golf has a lot of room for improvement. Luckily, I’ve a solution: a miniaturized variant filled with unexpected obstacles.

Oh Goddam It: Ironman Contender Accidentally Left Bike All The Way Out In Middle Of Ocean
Furiously and repeatedly asking himself if he really just fucking did that, Ironman contender and own harshest critic, Ivan Vanhanen, had barely finished removing his wet suit when he realized

Simone Biles Generously Folds Self Into Overhead Bin For Sold-Out Flight
United Flight 447 broke out into cheers Thursday when four-time Olympic gold medalist Simone Biles generously gave up her seat on the overbooked flight and instead folded herself into the

Pro Skater Invents Sick New Way To Rupture Spleen
Not since Tony Hawk blew away the skating world in 1999 when he debuted the craziest way to shatter your ankle has the pro skating world seen such an important

Star Hockey Player Tired Of Getting Benched 37 Times A Game
Insisting that his stupid head coach just doesn’t understand the fundamentals of hockey, University of Michigan star forward Aiden Alexander during an postgame interview voiced his displeasure at getting benched

Orphanages Overrun By Calls For Chess Prodigies
Following the popularity of Netflix’s ‘The Queen’s Gambit,’ orphanages around the globe have been flooded with barren and fertile couples alike in search of their own orphan chess prodigy like

Marathon Winner Has No Idea How To Spend Rest Of Her Afternoon
After winning The Chicago Marathon last week, former Olympic gold medalist Kathrine Switzer told reporters that she has no clue what to do with the rest of her day. “I’ve

WWE Names Roman Reigns Independent Contractor Of The Month
Fresh off wrestling his 100th match of the month, Roman Reigns, through hard work, determination, and not accepting a single second of overtime pay, was awarded with the highest honor

“Ted Lasso” Golden Globes Win Inspires World Soccer Fandom To Finally Start Caring About SNL
Soccer fans around the world have been inspired by “Ted Lasso’s” recent Golden Globes win to put aside their prejudice against American sketch comedy and cheer on “Saturday Night Live.”

Watch The Fuck Out: This Tennis Player Has A Headband
Tennis novice Paul Anderson came to a public Chicago tennis court looking for a few friendly matches but cowered with fear when he noticed his opponent sporting a fucking headband.

NASCAR Testing New “Cards Against Humanity” Game
Last Friday, racing insiders leaked that NASCAR President Steve Phelps and the Board of Directors are reportedly testing a new game: Cars Against Humanity. While little is known about when
