Football
With other quarterbacks, it’s clear where they stand in the League. Lamar Jackson? Any analyst worth their salt will tell you he’s the Michael Vick of Steve Youngs. Aaron Rodgers? Clearly the Kyrie Irving of Brett Favres. But when it comes to Cowboys quarterback Dak Prescott, every body part on
Basketball
James Dolan accepted the “New York Knicks Owner of The Year Award” last night in a lavish ceremony at Madison Square Garden hosted by James Dolan, and attended by employees and reluctant family members of James Dolan, who were contractually obligated to be there. “There is plenty of competition for
Baseball
Following a near half-century career, Steroids will be joining the ranks of Babe Ruth, Ty Cobb, and Hank Aaron in the pantheon of all-time greats at the Baseball Hall of Fame, where the Baseball Writers’ Association of America announced it will induct Steroids later this year. The decision comes after
Lesser Sports
It doesn’t say anywhere in the rule books that a dog can’t drive a car, but at least for union officials at SAG-AFTRA, there might be a rule soon, as reports from the new ‘Air Bud’ movie claim over 30 stunt dogs have been brutally injured or killed so far
Football
In a surprise ruling, this Tuesday TCU athletic director Jeremiah Donati has decreed that all forms of man-to-man defense are an abomination in the eyes of God. “When God revealed unto Dr. Naismith the rules of basketball, he never intended for man to play one-on-one defense on another man,” said
Basketball
An Atlanta high school basketball coach believes his players must adhere to the basic fundamentals of basketball because he himself can probably not dunk. As a true basketball intellectual, his philosophy is to make the simple play, and any time a player goes for an “up-and-under layup” with no one
Baseball
The Woke Mind Virus. We laughed when brain-dead celebrities first introduced it. We wept when our government’s biased insistence on a “liberal” arts education spread it to our innocent children. But when it came to America’s institutions, we all naively thought we were safe. Sadly, this all got upended on
Lesser Sports
According to rumors circulated and later confirmed by Stephanie, the new talk of the Minnesota Wild’s Xcel Energy Center is the opposing team’s hockey net, which has scandalized the entire arena by totally opening its posts and, we swear to you, letting just about anything inside of it. “Ugh, gag
Football
The National Football League has announced it will be introducing CTE Unawareness Month this coming season. The league will promote the initiative using the hashtag #ForgetAboutCTE. All 32 franchises plan to show their support by outfitting their stadiums and player uniforms with foggy-gray patches which prominently feature the campaign’s slogan,
Basketball
24 years after its death in 1999, Wilt Chamberlain’s penis will be honored at Crypto.com Arena Thursday before the Lakers face the Spurs. Fans 18 and over will receive a commemorative bobble-penis-head figurine, the team’s largest giveaway in history. “We’ve been eyeing Wilt’s stilt for a long time,” said Crypto.com
Baseball
Speaking to a crowd of awed well-wishers from a consulting room in Beth Israel Hospital on Saturday, longtime New York Yankees fan Michael Solari said that he was incredibly honored to have just been diagnosed with Lou Gehrig’s disease. “I had Lou Gehrig’s poster on my wall growing up, but
Lesser Sports
A once-rising star in the textile game has seen his time at the Nike factory in Majalengka come to an unexpected end today when the sports apparel giant announced they wouldn’t pick up his sixth year option after he was maimed during a scaffolding collapse while on the Jordan assembly
DePaul University Battles DePauw University In Announcer’s Nightmare
Veteran announcer Craig Whelan lived a waking nightmare last Wednesday when DePauw and DePaul Universities played one another in a basketball game at DePauw’s Neal Fieldhouse in Indiana. As early
Why Does Grandma Have So Many Old Pictures With Wilt Chamberlain?
When my editors asked me to write a piece on NBA fandom throughout the decades, I interviewed my father, and together, we looked through hundreds of photos and uncovered something
Peyton Manning Traded To Geico Commercials
Nationwide Mutual Insurance shocked the marketing world this Wednesday by agreeing to a blockbuster deal to send Peyton Manning to Geico in exchange for two cavemen and the hump-day camel.
Buffalo Bills Owner Plans To Relocate Team To 1964
In a radical move Buffalo Bills owner, Terrence Pegula, plans to relocate the team to the year 1964. Pegula announced the news at a press conference Thursday to a noticeably
The 2019 Tampa Bay Buccaneers: Are They the ‘2016 Tampa Bay Buccaneers’ of the NFL?
After four games in the books, the 2019 Tampa Bay Buccaneers beg the question: are they the 2016 Tampa Bay Buccaneers of the NFL? Even though they play in a
Did Hockey Start? We Think It Started.
It’s mid-October, and that can only mean one thing: The hockey season has almost certainly started. While some say that it just wrapped up, we at SportsRiot know that hockey
Aaron Rodgers Forgets Mason Crosby In Car With Windows Rolled Up
Aaron Rodgers was arrested in Green Bay this past Sunday after forgetting Packers kicker Mason Crosby in the car with the windows rolled up. Police discovered Crosby after responding to
LA Charger Charged With Battery After Battering Charger Girl With Car Battery
The District Attorney for Los Angeles County confirmed last Thursday that LA Charger, Ben Quirke was charged with battery after a Charger Girl alleged he battered her with a car
Winner of Army Vs. Navy Game Really Depends on Whether Surface Land or Water
As is true whenever these two military powerhouses face off, this year’s Army-Navy game will once again come down to whether the surface they play on is land or water.
