Football
With other quarterbacks, it’s clear where they stand in the League. Lamar Jackson? Any analyst worth their salt will tell you he’s the Michael Vick of Steve Youngs. Aaron Rodgers? Clearly the Kyrie Irving of Brett Favres. But when it comes to Cowboys quarterback Dak Prescott, every body part on
Basketball
James Dolan accepted the “New York Knicks Owner of The Year Award” last night in a lavish ceremony at Madison Square Garden hosted by James Dolan, and attended by employees and reluctant family members of James Dolan, who were contractually obligated to be there. “There is plenty of competition for
Baseball
Following a near half-century career, Steroids will be joining the ranks of Babe Ruth, Ty Cobb, and Hank Aaron in the pantheon of all-time greats at the Baseball Hall of Fame, where the Baseball Writers’ Association of America announced it will induct Steroids later this year. The decision comes after
Lesser Sports
It doesn’t say anywhere in the rule books that a dog can’t drive a car, but at least for union officials at SAG-AFTRA, there might be a rule soon, as reports from the new ‘Air Bud’ movie claim over 30 stunt dogs have been brutally injured or killed so far
Football
In a surprise ruling, this Tuesday TCU athletic director Jeremiah Donati has decreed that all forms of man-to-man defense are an abomination in the eyes of God. “When God revealed unto Dr. Naismith the rules of basketball, he never intended for man to play one-on-one defense on another man,” said
Basketball
An Atlanta high school basketball coach believes his players must adhere to the basic fundamentals of basketball because he himself can probably not dunk. As a true basketball intellectual, his philosophy is to make the simple play, and any time a player goes for an “up-and-under layup” with no one
Baseball
The Woke Mind Virus. We laughed when brain-dead celebrities first introduced it. We wept when our government’s biased insistence on a “liberal” arts education spread it to our innocent children. But when it came to America’s institutions, we all naively thought we were safe. Sadly, this all got upended on
Lesser Sports
According to rumors circulated and later confirmed by Stephanie, the new talk of the Minnesota Wild’s Xcel Energy Center is the opposing team’s hockey net, which has scandalized the entire arena by totally opening its posts and, we swear to you, letting just about anything inside of it. “Ugh, gag
Football
The National Football League has announced it will be introducing CTE Unawareness Month this coming season. The league will promote the initiative using the hashtag #ForgetAboutCTE. All 32 franchises plan to show their support by outfitting their stadiums and player uniforms with foggy-gray patches which prominently feature the campaign’s slogan,
Basketball
24 years after its death in 1999, Wilt Chamberlain’s penis will be honored at Crypto.com Arena Thursday before the Lakers face the Spurs. Fans 18 and over will receive a commemorative bobble-penis-head figurine, the team’s largest giveaway in history. “We’ve been eyeing Wilt’s stilt for a long time,” said Crypto.com
Baseball
Speaking to a crowd of awed well-wishers from a consulting room in Beth Israel Hospital on Saturday, longtime New York Yankees fan Michael Solari said that he was incredibly honored to have just been diagnosed with Lou Gehrig’s disease. “I had Lou Gehrig’s poster on my wall growing up, but
Lesser Sports
A once-rising star in the textile game has seen his time at the Nike factory in Majalengka come to an unexpected end today when the sports apparel giant announced they wouldn’t pick up his sixth year option after he was maimed during a scaffolding collapse while on the Jordan assembly
Yeehaw! Dallas Cowboys Hogtie Themselves Another Losing Season
Howdy, pilgrims! We’ve heard a great bunch ‘a NFL analysts are plumb mad wit’ that yella belly outlaw, Jerry Jones, who ‘parently went on down ta the O.K. Draft Corral
Struggling Actor Considering Joining The NFL To Book More Commercials
After failing to get a callback for the role of an embarrassing dad in an insurance commercial, local actor Donovan Helsen, 36, says he’s considering taking a part-time job as
NFL Offering Counseling To Players Who Recently Died By Suicide
The NFL has set its sights on expanding mental health care by today announcing a new program that offers counseling to players who have recently died by suicide. Beginning as
10 Facts About Patrick Mahomes’ Personal Life That You, A 45-Year-Old Man, Care About For Some Reason
Patrick Mahomes exploded onto the NFL scene, winning an MVP and Super Bowl ring after only two seasons as the starting quarterback for the Kansas City Chiefs, which launched him
NBA Finals Prediction: Charles Barkley Enjoys Hotel Buffet
The stage is finally set for the NBA Finals, and while the series could go any way given how the playoffs have already unfolded, we’re comfortable making one bold prediction:
Chicago Bears Retire Justin Fields’ Number
With the season over and it obvious Caleb Williams is coming to ChiTown, the Bears did the only thing they could, releasing a statement from GM Ryan Poles calling Fields,
Top Five Non-Crash NASCAR Moments Of All-Time
NASCAR has given us countless adrenaline-packed life or death moments through the years, but believe it or not, there are also several amazing moments that didn’t result from crashes. We
MLB Issues Apology After Barry Bonds Diagnosed With Rare Head-Growing Disease
Fourteen years after his retirement, Major League Baseball has issued an apology to all-time home run leader Barry Bonds after his confirmed diagnosis of an extremely rare head-growing disease. The
10 Best Nipples In Major League Baseball
From the delightfully perky to the downright concave, it’s no secret that the MLB has given the sport’s many male-chest-area enthusiasts a plethora of exciting nipples over its 150-year history.
