Football
With other quarterbacks, it’s clear where they stand in the League. Lamar Jackson? Any analyst worth their salt will tell you he’s the Michael Vick of Steve Youngs. Aaron Rodgers? Clearly the Kyrie Irving of Brett Favres. But when it comes to Cowboys quarterback Dak Prescott, every body part on
Basketball
James Dolan accepted the “New York Knicks Owner of The Year Award” last night in a lavish ceremony at Madison Square Garden hosted by James Dolan, and attended by employees and reluctant family members of James Dolan, who were contractually obligated to be there. “There is plenty of competition for
Baseball
Following a near half-century career, Steroids will be joining the ranks of Babe Ruth, Ty Cobb, and Hank Aaron in the pantheon of all-time greats at the Baseball Hall of Fame, where the Baseball Writers’ Association of America announced it will induct Steroids later this year. The decision comes after
Lesser Sports
It doesn’t say anywhere in the rule books that a dog can’t drive a car, but at least for union officials at SAG-AFTRA, there might be a rule soon, as reports from the new ‘Air Bud’ movie claim over 30 stunt dogs have been brutally injured or killed so far
Football
In a surprise ruling, this Tuesday TCU athletic director Jeremiah Donati has decreed that all forms of man-to-man defense are an abomination in the eyes of God. “When God revealed unto Dr. Naismith the rules of basketball, he never intended for man to play one-on-one defense on another man,” said
Basketball
An Atlanta high school basketball coach believes his players must adhere to the basic fundamentals of basketball because he himself can probably not dunk. As a true basketball intellectual, his philosophy is to make the simple play, and any time a player goes for an “up-and-under layup” with no one
Baseball
The Woke Mind Virus. We laughed when brain-dead celebrities first introduced it. We wept when our government’s biased insistence on a “liberal” arts education spread it to our innocent children. But when it came to America’s institutions, we all naively thought we were safe. Sadly, this all got upended on
Lesser Sports
According to rumors circulated and later confirmed by Stephanie, the new talk of the Minnesota Wild’s Xcel Energy Center is the opposing team’s hockey net, which has scandalized the entire arena by totally opening its posts and, we swear to you, letting just about anything inside of it. “Ugh, gag
Football
The National Football League has announced it will be introducing CTE Unawareness Month this coming season. The league will promote the initiative using the hashtag #ForgetAboutCTE. All 32 franchises plan to show their support by outfitting their stadiums and player uniforms with foggy-gray patches which prominently feature the campaign’s slogan,
Basketball
24 years after its death in 1999, Wilt Chamberlain’s penis will be honored at Crypto.com Arena Thursday before the Lakers face the Spurs. Fans 18 and over will receive a commemorative bobble-penis-head figurine, the team’s largest giveaway in history. “We’ve been eyeing Wilt’s stilt for a long time,” said Crypto.com
Baseball
Speaking to a crowd of awed well-wishers from a consulting room in Beth Israel Hospital on Saturday, longtime New York Yankees fan Michael Solari said that he was incredibly honored to have just been diagnosed with Lou Gehrig’s disease. “I had Lou Gehrig’s poster on my wall growing up, but
Lesser Sports
A once-rising star in the textile game has seen his time at the Nike factory in Majalengka come to an unexpected end today when the sports apparel giant announced they wouldn’t pick up his sixth year option after he was maimed during a scaffolding collapse while on the Jordan assembly
7 Times The Wave Ruined My Life
Though participating in the wave has been a beloved pastime both for me and millions of sports fans across America, I have to admit it hasn’t always been smooth sailing.
Man In Bleachers Taking Photos Mainly Of You
We don’t mean to alarm you, and definitely don’t look now, but according to sources close to the field, the inconspicuous man in section 148 (the one you thought was
What This Locker Room Footage We Took Says About Your Favorite Team’s Stadium Security Measures
Sports Riot doesn’t beat around the bush. In fact, we hide in the bush until the security guard blocking that stadium door notices an ominously large fire at the opposite
Iron Bowl Vs Iron Dome: How Does The Auburn-Alabama Rivalry Stack Up Against Middle Eastern Conflicts
With NCAA football around the corner and conflict ravaging the Middle East, a lot of fans have rightfully been wondering how exactly the legendary Auburn-Alabama rivalry stacks up against other
American Ingenuity: Fisherman Empties AR-15 Into Salmon Stream
Mouths were agape at the ingenuity of one fisherman at a popular spot in Washington State this weekend as he emptied his AR-15 into the Columbia River and nabbed several
Will We Ever Prioritize Safety? Ken Burns Documentary Confirms JFK Died After Being Struck By Three Foul Line Drives
A new documentary by Ken Burns confirms John F. Kennedy was killed by three foul line drives to the head, creating more demand for increased safety measures at ballparks across
San Francisco 49ers Become First Team With All-Electric Players
When 49ers coach Kyle Shanahan said that San Francisco would employ the NFL’s first all-electric, carbon-neutral team, most everyone laughed at the lofty goal. But last Thursday, Shanahan got the
Joe Paterno Spent The Last 10 Years Burning In Hell. Will It Affect His Legacy?
It’s no secret that Joe Paterno has spent the last decade in Hell burning under fiery blankets of lava. But will all that time in the sinner’s sauna ruin his
WWE Fans Pan Unrealistic Storyline Where Vince McMahon Punished For Sexual Misconduct
It’s been a ratings nightmare for the WWE, as fans of the company have called for a boycott following a new, completely unbelievable storyline which has now-ex CEO Vince McMahon
