Football
With other quarterbacks, it’s clear where they stand in the League. Lamar Jackson? Any analyst worth their salt will tell you he’s the Michael Vick of Steve Youngs. Aaron Rodgers? Clearly the Kyrie Irving of Brett Favres. But when it comes to Cowboys quarterback Dak Prescott, every body part on
Basketball
James Dolan accepted the “New York Knicks Owner of The Year Award” last night in a lavish ceremony at Madison Square Garden hosted by James Dolan, and attended by employees and reluctant family members of James Dolan, who were contractually obligated to be there. “There is plenty of competition for
Baseball
Following a near half-century career, Steroids will be joining the ranks of Babe Ruth, Ty Cobb, and Hank Aaron in the pantheon of all-time greats at the Baseball Hall of Fame, where the Baseball Writers’ Association of America announced it will induct Steroids later this year. The decision comes after
Lesser Sports
It doesn’t say anywhere in the rule books that a dog can’t drive a car, but at least for union officials at SAG-AFTRA, there might be a rule soon, as reports from the new ‘Air Bud’ movie claim over 30 stunt dogs have been brutally injured or killed so far
Football
In a surprise ruling, this Tuesday TCU athletic director Jeremiah Donati has decreed that all forms of man-to-man defense are an abomination in the eyes of God. “When God revealed unto Dr. Naismith the rules of basketball, he never intended for man to play one-on-one defense on another man,” said
Basketball
An Atlanta high school basketball coach believes his players must adhere to the basic fundamentals of basketball because he himself can probably not dunk. As a true basketball intellectual, his philosophy is to make the simple play, and any time a player goes for an “up-and-under layup” with no one
Baseball
The Woke Mind Virus. We laughed when brain-dead celebrities first introduced it. We wept when our government’s biased insistence on a “liberal” arts education spread it to our innocent children. But when it came to America’s institutions, we all naively thought we were safe. Sadly, this all got upended on
Lesser Sports
According to rumors circulated and later confirmed by Stephanie, the new talk of the Minnesota Wild’s Xcel Energy Center is the opposing team’s hockey net, which has scandalized the entire arena by totally opening its posts and, we swear to you, letting just about anything inside of it. “Ugh, gag
Football
The National Football League has announced it will be introducing CTE Unawareness Month this coming season. The league will promote the initiative using the hashtag #ForgetAboutCTE. All 32 franchises plan to show their support by outfitting their stadiums and player uniforms with foggy-gray patches which prominently feature the campaign’s slogan,
Basketball
24 years after its death in 1999, Wilt Chamberlain’s penis will be honored at Crypto.com Arena Thursday before the Lakers face the Spurs. Fans 18 and over will receive a commemorative bobble-penis-head figurine, the team’s largest giveaway in history. “We’ve been eyeing Wilt’s stilt for a long time,” said Crypto.com
Baseball
Speaking to a crowd of awed well-wishers from a consulting room in Beth Israel Hospital on Saturday, longtime New York Yankees fan Michael Solari said that he was incredibly honored to have just been diagnosed with Lou Gehrig’s disease. “I had Lou Gehrig’s poster on my wall growing up, but
Lesser Sports
A once-rising star in the textile game has seen his time at the Nike factory in Majalengka come to an unexpected end today when the sports apparel giant announced they wouldn’t pick up his sixth year option after he was maimed during a scaffolding collapse while on the Jordan assembly
This Day In Sports History: Babe Ruth Calls Own Death
June 29th, 1932: It was game three of an away series with the Chicago Cubs when George Herman “Babe” Ruth — a day after “calling his own shot” — called
White Sox Really Proving You Can’t Win ’Em All
The 2024 season may only be almost four months in, but already the Chicago White Sox have gone above and beyond to teach the old children’s axiom “You can’t win
Report: Edmonton Oilers To Be Electric By 2040
Coming off the heels of a Stanley Cup Finals loss to the Florida Panthers last night, the Edmonton Oilers have announced a brighter, newer future. In an effort to become
Sorry Lovers: Fuckmonster Gritty Announces Engagement To Green M&M
Philadelphia’s most eligible Sex God, Fuckmonster Gritty, is off the market. Gritty, King of Mascots (KoM), has made public what we at Sports Riot have speculated for weeks: Gritty and
23AndMe Traces 67% Of World’s Lineage To Single Source
Scientists at the genetic testing site 23andME made a groundbreaking announcement this week, claiming to have found that a whopping 67% of the world’s population are direct descendants of a
How You Can Help Us Get Hockey Canceled
Earlier last week our editors tasked us with writing a side article on “professional ice hockey.” We’d thought it disbanded in 1921 but were presented data of “The Stanley Cup”
The Other Side Of The Story: Our Exclusive Interview With Ja Morant’s Gun
Ja Morant has been embroiled in non-stop controversy since entering the League. Culminating in suspensions after brandishing a gun, multiple times, on Instagram Live. Sports Riot managed to track down
Opinion: You People Are All Worthless – By: Larry Bird
First let me begin with: Happy Father’s Day. Thank you for voting me as “Father of the Jump Shot” and putting on this vast event where I can address all
Report: Caitlin Clark Proud To Be Only Woman Americans Currently Care About
WNBA superstar Caitlin Clark expressed her heartfelt honor today in being crowned the only woman Americans currently care about. The Indiana Fever guard took to Instagram to share her gratitude
