Football
With other quarterbacks, it’s clear where they stand in the League. Lamar Jackson? Any analyst worth their salt will tell you he’s the Michael Vick of Steve Youngs. Aaron Rodgers? Clearly the Kyrie Irving of Brett Favres. But when it comes to Cowboys quarterback Dak Prescott, every body part on
Basketball
James Dolan accepted the “New York Knicks Owner of The Year Award” last night in a lavish ceremony at Madison Square Garden hosted by James Dolan, and attended by employees and reluctant family members of James Dolan, who were contractually obligated to be there. “There is plenty of competition for
Baseball
Following a near half-century career, Steroids will be joining the ranks of Babe Ruth, Ty Cobb, and Hank Aaron in the pantheon of all-time greats at the Baseball Hall of Fame, where the Baseball Writers’ Association of America announced it will induct Steroids later this year. The decision comes after
Lesser Sports
It doesn’t say anywhere in the rule books that a dog can’t drive a car, but at least for union officials at SAG-AFTRA, there might be a rule soon, as reports from the new ‘Air Bud’ movie claim over 30 stunt dogs have been brutally injured or killed so far
Football
In a surprise ruling, this Tuesday TCU athletic director Jeremiah Donati has decreed that all forms of man-to-man defense are an abomination in the eyes of God. “When God revealed unto Dr. Naismith the rules of basketball, he never intended for man to play one-on-one defense on another man,” said
Basketball
An Atlanta high school basketball coach believes his players must adhere to the basic fundamentals of basketball because he himself can probably not dunk. As a true basketball intellectual, his philosophy is to make the simple play, and any time a player goes for an “up-and-under layup” with no one
Baseball
The Woke Mind Virus. We laughed when brain-dead celebrities first introduced it. We wept when our government’s biased insistence on a “liberal” arts education spread it to our innocent children. But when it came to America’s institutions, we all naively thought we were safe. Sadly, this all got upended on
Lesser Sports
According to rumors circulated and later confirmed by Stephanie, the new talk of the Minnesota Wild’s Xcel Energy Center is the opposing team’s hockey net, which has scandalized the entire arena by totally opening its posts and, we swear to you, letting just about anything inside of it. “Ugh, gag
Football
The National Football League has announced it will be introducing CTE Unawareness Month this coming season. The league will promote the initiative using the hashtag #ForgetAboutCTE. All 32 franchises plan to show their support by outfitting their stadiums and player uniforms with foggy-gray patches which prominently feature the campaign’s slogan,
Basketball
24 years after its death in 1999, Wilt Chamberlain’s penis will be honored at Crypto.com Arena Thursday before the Lakers face the Spurs. Fans 18 and over will receive a commemorative bobble-penis-head figurine, the team’s largest giveaway in history. “We’ve been eyeing Wilt’s stilt for a long time,” said Crypto.com
Baseball
Speaking to a crowd of awed well-wishers from a consulting room in Beth Israel Hospital on Saturday, longtime New York Yankees fan Michael Solari said that he was incredibly honored to have just been diagnosed with Lou Gehrig’s disease. “I had Lou Gehrig’s poster on my wall growing up, but
Lesser Sports
A once-rising star in the textile game has seen his time at the Nike factory in Majalengka come to an unexpected end today when the sports apparel giant announced they wouldn’t pick up his sixth year option after he was maimed during a scaffolding collapse while on the Jordan assembly
Outraged NFL Head Coach Demands Some Other Team Sign Colin Kaepernick
The hype surrounding rookie quarterbacks Trevor Lawrence and Zach Wilson has some critics complaining that there’s already a perfectly serviceable free agent in Colin Kaepernick waiting to be signed. One
Andy Reid Franchise Tags Wendy’s
Kansas City chiefs head coach Andy Reid confirmed Monday that he has applied the franchise tag to Wendy’s in response to the restaurant chain’s consistently strong quarterly numbers. Reid, known
Durant Graciously Credits Teammates For Nets’ Big Loss
After a disappointing loss to the Milwaukee Bucks, humble Brooklyn Nets superstar Kevin Durant graciously credited all of his teammates for the 113-101 defeat. Durant took it upon himself to
Wife Complains That Husband Spends Hours Wandering Around Target Field
Emily Moeller, a 35 year old Construction Worker, while out with some of her friends, couldn’t stop talking about her husband, Bryan. One of our sources, in Emily’s inner circle,
Saudi Women’s Basketball League Forbids Players From Driving To The Basket
The Saudi Arabian Women’s Basketball League has taken a revolutionary step by forbidding all of its players from driving to the basket. Many great basketball minds across the world have
Kyrie Irving Salivating At Chance To Fuck Up Perfect Situation
Seldom do the stars align in professional sports for players to have the perfect opportunity to accomplish their goals. With the addition of James Harden to the Brooklyn Nets to
Destined For Failure? This NBA Team Is The Knicks
Anxiously pouring over the countless files that covered his desk, the realization that a team could be destined for failure confounded NBA historian Herb Redman, who points to the one
Top 10 Players We’d Have The Easiest Time Forgiving If They Committed A Heinous Crime
Let’s face it: not every player is Ray Rice. Some players we could totally forgive if they commit a seriously heinous crime. Here are the top 10 examples: Russell Wilson:
NHL Promises Fans Next Year’s Rinks Will Be Slipperier Than Ever
Speaking to reporters last Tuesday, NHL Commissioner Gary Bettman laid out a list of sweeping changes which would be implemented at the start of the 2025 NHL regular season, chief
