Football
With other quarterbacks, it’s clear where they stand in the League. Lamar Jackson? Any analyst worth their salt will tell you he’s the Michael Vick of Steve Youngs. Aaron Rodgers? Clearly the Kyrie Irving of Brett Favres. But when it comes to Cowboys quarterback Dak Prescott, every body part on
Basketball
James Dolan accepted the “New York Knicks Owner of The Year Award” last night in a lavish ceremony at Madison Square Garden hosted by James Dolan, and attended by employees and reluctant family members of James Dolan, who were contractually obligated to be there. “There is plenty of competition for
Baseball
Following a near half-century career, Steroids will be joining the ranks of Babe Ruth, Ty Cobb, and Hank Aaron in the pantheon of all-time greats at the Baseball Hall of Fame, where the Baseball Writers’ Association of America announced it will induct Steroids later this year. The decision comes after
Lesser Sports
It doesn’t say anywhere in the rule books that a dog can’t drive a car, but at least for union officials at SAG-AFTRA, there might be a rule soon, as reports from the new ‘Air Bud’ movie claim over 30 stunt dogs have been brutally injured or killed so far
Football
In a surprise ruling, this Tuesday TCU athletic director Jeremiah Donati has decreed that all forms of man-to-man defense are an abomination in the eyes of God. “When God revealed unto Dr. Naismith the rules of basketball, he never intended for man to play one-on-one defense on another man,” said
Basketball
An Atlanta high school basketball coach believes his players must adhere to the basic fundamentals of basketball because he himself can probably not dunk. As a true basketball intellectual, his philosophy is to make the simple play, and any time a player goes for an “up-and-under layup” with no one
Baseball
The Woke Mind Virus. We laughed when brain-dead celebrities first introduced it. We wept when our government’s biased insistence on a “liberal” arts education spread it to our innocent children. But when it came to America’s institutions, we all naively thought we were safe. Sadly, this all got upended on
Lesser Sports
According to rumors circulated and later confirmed by Stephanie, the new talk of the Minnesota Wild’s Xcel Energy Center is the opposing team’s hockey net, which has scandalized the entire arena by totally opening its posts and, we swear to you, letting just about anything inside of it. “Ugh, gag
Football
The National Football League has announced it will be introducing CTE Unawareness Month this coming season. The league will promote the initiative using the hashtag #ForgetAboutCTE. All 32 franchises plan to show their support by outfitting their stadiums and player uniforms with foggy-gray patches which prominently feature the campaign’s slogan,
Basketball
24 years after its death in 1999, Wilt Chamberlain’s penis will be honored at Crypto.com Arena Thursday before the Lakers face the Spurs. Fans 18 and over will receive a commemorative bobble-penis-head figurine, the team’s largest giveaway in history. “We’ve been eyeing Wilt’s stilt for a long time,” said Crypto.com
Baseball
Speaking to a crowd of awed well-wishers from a consulting room in Beth Israel Hospital on Saturday, longtime New York Yankees fan Michael Solari said that he was incredibly honored to have just been diagnosed with Lou Gehrig’s disease. “I had Lou Gehrig’s poster on my wall growing up, but
Lesser Sports
A once-rising star in the textile game has seen his time at the Nike factory in Majalengka come to an unexpected end today when the sports apparel giant announced they wouldn’t pick up his sixth year option after he was maimed during a scaffolding collapse while on the Jordan assembly
Ballbags And Blow: Inside The Scandalous World Of The National Cornhole Championships
The year was 1981, and in the sex- and drug-fueled world of pro lawn sports, cornholers reigned supreme. The bad boys of the back yard hosted post-competition romps in which
Hulk Hogan’s New Sex Advice Column Asks You To Bust Open Those Pussy Problems For The Hulkster, Brother!!
The Hulkster is coming to you live from Cedar Rapids, IA, and he’s heard millions of Hulkamaniacs around the world are having love problems BROTHER. Is Lovemania running wild on
Hospital Visit From Team Punter Alerts Kid To Fact He’s Probably Gonna Survive
The appearance of Dolphins’ punter Alex Loman on Wednesday confirmed to the family of 6-year-old crash-victim Colin Hannegan that Colin would not only survive the accident but likely, one day,
Disney Apologizes For Muppet Version Of ‘Remember The Titans’
Following a controversy-laden release on Disney+, the media giant has come forward today to apologize for their ill-advised Muppet remake of ‘Remember the Titans’. “‘Remember the Titans’ is a powerful
Hear Us Out: The Kiss Cam But For Faculty Meetings
School is back in swing! But, with supervisors speaking in monotone voices to announcements that could have just been sent through email, staff meetings suck. If you’re a manager what
This Day In Sports History: Virginia McCaskey Acquires Bears In Louisiana Purchase
The Chicago Bears are a team with a history as deep and rich as the lasagna those locals try to pass off as “pizza.” But as one recently unearthed historical
Dallas Cowboys Scramble To Fill Out Roster After Entire Team Dies In Saloon Shootout
The big boss men up Dallas way have found theirselves in a predicament t’fill a roster after all their Cowboys done perished in a saloon shootout come last Saturday. Folk
White Threesome Of 30-Somethings Went Out And Had Really White Time Today
As confirmed by Instagram, a threesome of white 30-somethings hit the golf course, and the close white friends went out and had a really white time. “Part-tee day with the
Aaron Rodgers Admits To Pat McAfee His Favorite Quarterback Of All Time Is Aaron Rodgers
Aaron Rodgers has done it again. On Tuesday’s Pat McAfee Show, Rodgers, exhibiting his trademark humility, revealed his “favorite quarterback of all time.” The answer, he admitted, was “Aaron Rodgers.”
