Football
With other quarterbacks, it’s clear where they stand in the League. Lamar Jackson? Any analyst worth their salt will tell you he’s the Michael Vick of Steve Youngs. Aaron Rodgers? Clearly the Kyrie Irving of Brett Favres. But when it comes to Cowboys quarterback Dak Prescott, every body part on
Basketball
James Dolan accepted the “New York Knicks Owner of The Year Award” last night in a lavish ceremony at Madison Square Garden hosted by James Dolan, and attended by employees and reluctant family members of James Dolan, who were contractually obligated to be there. “There is plenty of competition for
Baseball
Following a near half-century career, Steroids will be joining the ranks of Babe Ruth, Ty Cobb, and Hank Aaron in the pantheon of all-time greats at the Baseball Hall of Fame, where the Baseball Writers’ Association of America announced it will induct Steroids later this year. The decision comes after
Lesser Sports
It doesn’t say anywhere in the rule books that a dog can’t drive a car, but at least for union officials at SAG-AFTRA, there might be a rule soon, as reports from the new ‘Air Bud’ movie claim over 30 stunt dogs have been brutally injured or killed so far
Football
In a surprise ruling, this Tuesday TCU athletic director Jeremiah Donati has decreed that all forms of man-to-man defense are an abomination in the eyes of God. “When God revealed unto Dr. Naismith the rules of basketball, he never intended for man to play one-on-one defense on another man,” said
Basketball
An Atlanta high school basketball coach believes his players must adhere to the basic fundamentals of basketball because he himself can probably not dunk. As a true basketball intellectual, his philosophy is to make the simple play, and any time a player goes for an “up-and-under layup” with no one
Baseball
The Woke Mind Virus. We laughed when brain-dead celebrities first introduced it. We wept when our government’s biased insistence on a “liberal” arts education spread it to our innocent children. But when it came to America’s institutions, we all naively thought we were safe. Sadly, this all got upended on
Lesser Sports
According to rumors circulated and later confirmed by Stephanie, the new talk of the Minnesota Wild’s Xcel Energy Center is the opposing team’s hockey net, which has scandalized the entire arena by totally opening its posts and, we swear to you, letting just about anything inside of it. “Ugh, gag
Football
The National Football League has announced it will be introducing CTE Unawareness Month this coming season. The league will promote the initiative using the hashtag #ForgetAboutCTE. All 32 franchises plan to show their support by outfitting their stadiums and player uniforms with foggy-gray patches which prominently feature the campaign’s slogan,
Basketball
24 years after its death in 1999, Wilt Chamberlain’s penis will be honored at Crypto.com Arena Thursday before the Lakers face the Spurs. Fans 18 and over will receive a commemorative bobble-penis-head figurine, the team’s largest giveaway in history. “We’ve been eyeing Wilt’s stilt for a long time,” said Crypto.com
Baseball
Speaking to a crowd of awed well-wishers from a consulting room in Beth Israel Hospital on Saturday, longtime New York Yankees fan Michael Solari said that he was incredibly honored to have just been diagnosed with Lou Gehrig’s disease. “I had Lou Gehrig’s poster on my wall growing up, but
Lesser Sports
A once-rising star in the textile game has seen his time at the Nike factory in Majalengka come to an unexpected end today when the sports apparel giant announced they wouldn’t pick up his sixth year option after he was maimed during a scaffolding collapse while on the Jordan assembly
Bryce Young Declares For 2024 NFL Draft
Panthers’ quarterback Bryce Young stated Monday that, after a lot of thinking, counsel, and prayer, he’s decided to take his game to the next level and enter the 2024 NFL
Breaking: Cavaliers Announce Stadium Water Finally Drinkable!
The Cleveland Cavaliers have announced after years of hearing fans and player feedback, they have finally made their stadium water drinkable. “It is with great pleasure that Quicken Loans Arena
Adam Silver Celebrates 675th Birthday In Translyvanian Castle
Surrounded by his players, loved ones, and dozens of brooding oil portraits of his ancestors, NBA commissioner Adam Silver celebrated his 675th birthday at his family’s Transylvanian estate last Friday.
“It’s Masters Week” And 5 Other Phrases To Get The Whites Excited
The Masters tournament begins. Can you smell it in the air? The whites can, and they are “jazzed!” Are there other phrases like “it’s Masters week” that will get the
An Apology From Our Editors: Coach K Did Not Give The ‘I Have A Dream’ Speech
Unfortunately, we in good conscience, must come clean. You see – sometimes in the rush of the 24-hour news cycle and being first to print, mistakes get made. The editors
Celebrity Sighting! Drake Spotted Watching Girls’ Volleyball Game From Under Bleachers
Volleyball spectators at Carey High School in Buffalo, NY were given a rare treat this past Thursday, as it was discovered midway through the second game of a Junior Varsity
We Summarize All Of Our Baseball Predictions And Analysis In One Go So We Can Move On
We here at Sports Riot understand you live a very busy life. Baseball? 162 games? 9 innings? Who’s got the time? So as good journalists, we decided to trim the
Try Not To Think About This: Here Are 5 Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Covers That Have Brought Your Dad To Completion
The old timer may be confined to an urn now, but he sure had his fun with the Swimsuit Edition. Here are five covers that sent him “pine-tarring” the old
Supreme Court Overturns WNBA
In a landmark decision, the Supreme Court overturned the Women’s National Basketball Association on Friday, declaring the right for women to play professional basketball is no longer federally protected by
