Football
With other quarterbacks, it’s clear where they stand in the League. Lamar Jackson? Any analyst worth their salt will tell you he’s the Michael Vick of Steve Youngs. Aaron Rodgers? Clearly the Kyrie Irving of Brett Favres. But when it comes to Cowboys quarterback Dak Prescott, every body part on
Basketball
James Dolan accepted the “New York Knicks Owner of The Year Award” last night in a lavish ceremony at Madison Square Garden hosted by James Dolan, and attended by employees and reluctant family members of James Dolan, who were contractually obligated to be there. “There is plenty of competition for
Baseball
Following a near half-century career, Steroids will be joining the ranks of Babe Ruth, Ty Cobb, and Hank Aaron in the pantheon of all-time greats at the Baseball Hall of Fame, where the Baseball Writers’ Association of America announced it will induct Steroids later this year. The decision comes after
Lesser Sports
It doesn’t say anywhere in the rule books that a dog can’t drive a car, but at least for union officials at SAG-AFTRA, there might be a rule soon, as reports from the new ‘Air Bud’ movie claim over 30 stunt dogs have been brutally injured or killed so far
Football
In a surprise ruling, this Tuesday TCU athletic director Jeremiah Donati has decreed that all forms of man-to-man defense are an abomination in the eyes of God. “When God revealed unto Dr. Naismith the rules of basketball, he never intended for man to play one-on-one defense on another man,” said
Basketball
An Atlanta high school basketball coach believes his players must adhere to the basic fundamentals of basketball because he himself can probably not dunk. As a true basketball intellectual, his philosophy is to make the simple play, and any time a player goes for an “up-and-under layup” with no one
Baseball
The Woke Mind Virus. We laughed when brain-dead celebrities first introduced it. We wept when our government’s biased insistence on a “liberal” arts education spread it to our innocent children. But when it came to America’s institutions, we all naively thought we were safe. Sadly, this all got upended on
Lesser Sports
According to rumors circulated and later confirmed by Stephanie, the new talk of the Minnesota Wild’s Xcel Energy Center is the opposing team’s hockey net, which has scandalized the entire arena by totally opening its posts and, we swear to you, letting just about anything inside of it. “Ugh, gag
Football
The National Football League has announced it will be introducing CTE Unawareness Month this coming season. The league will promote the initiative using the hashtag #ForgetAboutCTE. All 32 franchises plan to show their support by outfitting their stadiums and player uniforms with foggy-gray patches which prominently feature the campaign’s slogan,
Basketball
24 years after its death in 1999, Wilt Chamberlain’s penis will be honored at Crypto.com Arena Thursday before the Lakers face the Spurs. Fans 18 and over will receive a commemorative bobble-penis-head figurine, the team’s largest giveaway in history. “We’ve been eyeing Wilt’s stilt for a long time,” said Crypto.com
Baseball
Speaking to a crowd of awed well-wishers from a consulting room in Beth Israel Hospital on Saturday, longtime New York Yankees fan Michael Solari said that he was incredibly honored to have just been diagnosed with Lou Gehrig’s disease. “I had Lou Gehrig’s poster on my wall growing up, but
Lesser Sports
A once-rising star in the textile game has seen his time at the Nike factory in Majalengka come to an unexpected end today when the sports apparel giant announced they wouldn’t pick up his sixth year option after he was maimed during a scaffolding collapse while on the Jordan assembly
Native Americans Offended By Redskins Portraying Their People As Horrible Football Players
A heated protest took place outside of FedEx Field in Landover, Maryland last week over the team’s portrayal of Native Americans as terrible football players. Members of the National Congress
Italian Tourists Absolutely Astonished By Oakland Coliseum
Stunned by just how far coliseum technology has come in the past 1,900 years, a group of Italian tourists found themselves in awe during a visit to RingCentral Coliseum in
Hear Us Out: How Sick Would It Be If The OKC Thunder Played The Tampa Bay Lightning?
How sick would it be if the Oklahoma City Thunder played the Tampa Bay Lightning in the perfect storm of matchups? Short answer: the sickest. Long answer: so sick, sick
BREAKING: “Cool Runnings” Playing On Channel 47
Multiple sources have confirmed that director Jon Turtletaub’s legendary sports film, Cool Runnings, is currently airing on Channel 47, prompting pause from Americans nationwide as the 1993 classic captivates millions
“U-Woof-C” Championship Match Shut Down Immediately By FBI
The filming of U-Woof-C 241, the acclaimed Animal Planet companion to ESPN’s UFC 241 slated to debut this Saturday, was stopped within the first thirty seconds when FBI agents stormed
An Early Look At The Top Draft Prospects Of 2035
While the excitement of the NFL draft may be in the books, it’s never too early to look ahead into the next decade and examine the young talent that’s working
Locker Room Language Taken Way Too Far When Man Mentions “Equality”
All men learn from a young age that the locker room is a sacred place, a holy shrine to masculinity. That is why it came as a shock to members
Washington Redskins Change Name To Cleveland Indians
Addressing years of controversy surrounding the overtly racist nature of his team’s name, this Tuesday Washington Redskin’s owner, Daniel Snyder announced that the team will be changing its name to
Opposing Player Deemed Not Too Injured To Laugh At
After concluding that an injury suffered by the opposing team’s star player didn’t look that bad, hometown fans say they felt comfortable enough this past Saturday to laugh openly at
