Football
With other quarterbacks, it’s clear where they stand in the League. Lamar Jackson? Any analyst worth their salt will tell you he’s the Michael Vick of Steve Youngs. Aaron Rodgers? Clearly the Kyrie Irving of Brett Favres. But when it comes to Cowboys quarterback Dak Prescott, every body part on
Basketball
James Dolan accepted the “New York Knicks Owner of The Year Award” last night in a lavish ceremony at Madison Square Garden hosted by James Dolan, and attended by employees and reluctant family members of James Dolan, who were contractually obligated to be there. “There is plenty of competition for
Baseball
Following a near half-century career, Steroids will be joining the ranks of Babe Ruth, Ty Cobb, and Hank Aaron in the pantheon of all-time greats at the Baseball Hall of Fame, where the Baseball Writers’ Association of America announced it will induct Steroids later this year. The decision comes after
Lesser Sports
It doesn’t say anywhere in the rule books that a dog can’t drive a car, but at least for union officials at SAG-AFTRA, there might be a rule soon, as reports from the new ‘Air Bud’ movie claim over 30 stunt dogs have been brutally injured or killed so far
Football
In a surprise ruling, this Tuesday TCU athletic director Jeremiah Donati has decreed that all forms of man-to-man defense are an abomination in the eyes of God. “When God revealed unto Dr. Naismith the rules of basketball, he never intended for man to play one-on-one defense on another man,” said
Basketball
An Atlanta high school basketball coach believes his players must adhere to the basic fundamentals of basketball because he himself can probably not dunk. As a true basketball intellectual, his philosophy is to make the simple play, and any time a player goes for an “up-and-under layup” with no one
Baseball
The Woke Mind Virus. We laughed when brain-dead celebrities first introduced it. We wept when our government’s biased insistence on a “liberal” arts education spread it to our innocent children. But when it came to America’s institutions, we all naively thought we were safe. Sadly, this all got upended on
Lesser Sports
According to rumors circulated and later confirmed by Stephanie, the new talk of the Minnesota Wild’s Xcel Energy Center is the opposing team’s hockey net, which has scandalized the entire arena by totally opening its posts and, we swear to you, letting just about anything inside of it. “Ugh, gag
Football
The National Football League has announced it will be introducing CTE Unawareness Month this coming season. The league will promote the initiative using the hashtag #ForgetAboutCTE. All 32 franchises plan to show their support by outfitting their stadiums and player uniforms with foggy-gray patches which prominently feature the campaign’s slogan,
Basketball
24 years after its death in 1999, Wilt Chamberlain’s penis will be honored at Crypto.com Arena Thursday before the Lakers face the Spurs. Fans 18 and over will receive a commemorative bobble-penis-head figurine, the team’s largest giveaway in history. “We’ve been eyeing Wilt’s stilt for a long time,” said Crypto.com
Baseball
Speaking to a crowd of awed well-wishers from a consulting room in Beth Israel Hospital on Saturday, longtime New York Yankees fan Michael Solari said that he was incredibly honored to have just been diagnosed with Lou Gehrig’s disease. “I had Lou Gehrig’s poster on my wall growing up, but
Lesser Sports
A once-rising star in the textile game has seen his time at the Nike factory in Majalengka come to an unexpected end today when the sports apparel giant announced they wouldn’t pick up his sixth year option after he was maimed during a scaffolding collapse while on the Jordan assembly
Pro Guns? Sounds Like A New Sport To Us
America loves high-powered sports, and since most sports use guns anyway, it was inevitable that we finally have a space dedicated to developing and celebrating Pro Guns. The founders of
John Stockton And Karl Malone Get Together To Reminisce About Losing
Utah Jazz Hall of Famers John Stockton and Karl Malone were seen hanging out at Vivint Smart Home Arena yesterday, reportedly reminiscing about the many successful years they spent losing
Hear Us Out: Rowing But Take Away The Rowers’ Trust Funds
We all know the rhyme: Row, row, row your boat / Gently down the stream / Merrily merrily, merrily, merrily / Life is but a scheme But it doesn’t have to be. Consider a world where having a
5 Reasons To Adopt An Athlete During Quarantine
With sports on hold right now, many professional athletes have spiraled into the depths of despair that come when you take away one’s purpose in life. But, even though an
NASCAR Crash A Real Mess For State Farm Agent To Sort Out
“Like a good neighbor, State Farm is OH MY GOD, WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED, IT’S MY FIRST DAY,” shouted insurance agent Gary Little after being dispatched to the scene of
Julian Edleman Still Waiting For Tom Brady To Come Back From That Trip To “Get Some Cigarettes”
When Tom Brady left the Patriots practice facility in March, he assured a concerned Julian Edelman he’d be right back and was just running out to get some cigarettes. With
This Amazing Speed Boat Becomes An Airplane And Then A Coffin
Sea Ray has blown everyone away at the Jacksonville Boat Show this week by introducing its newest and most modern Icarus model, the first under-24-footer in its class that can
Retraction: Our Protein-Packed Bat Smoothie Will NOT Boost Your Immune System
It has long since been documented that colloidal silver, herbal supplements, essential oils, and protein found in Louisville Slugger bats pack enough immune system boosting power to combat COVID-19. However,
Zoom NFL Draft Interrupted By Hacked Feed Streaming 35 Continuous Minutes Of Antonio-Brown-Themed Hentai
REPORT: Zoom was hacked once again during this year’s virtual NFL Draft. ESPN went quickly to commercial, but if you were watching closely enough millions of viewers witnessed a near
