Football
With other quarterbacks, it’s clear where they stand in the League. Lamar Jackson? Any analyst worth their salt will tell you he’s the Michael Vick of Steve Youngs. Aaron Rodgers? Clearly the Kyrie Irving of Brett Favres. But when it comes to Cowboys quarterback Dak Prescott, every body part on
Basketball
James Dolan accepted the “New York Knicks Owner of The Year Award” last night in a lavish ceremony at Madison Square Garden hosted by James Dolan, and attended by employees and reluctant family members of James Dolan, who were contractually obligated to be there. “There is plenty of competition for
Baseball
Following a near half-century career, Steroids will be joining the ranks of Babe Ruth, Ty Cobb, and Hank Aaron in the pantheon of all-time greats at the Baseball Hall of Fame, where the Baseball Writers’ Association of America announced it will induct Steroids later this year. The decision comes after
Lesser Sports
It doesn’t say anywhere in the rule books that a dog can’t drive a car, but at least for union officials at SAG-AFTRA, there might be a rule soon, as reports from the new ‘Air Bud’ movie claim over 30 stunt dogs have been brutally injured or killed so far
Football
In a surprise ruling, this Tuesday TCU athletic director Jeremiah Donati has decreed that all forms of man-to-man defense are an abomination in the eyes of God. “When God revealed unto Dr. Naismith the rules of basketball, he never intended for man to play one-on-one defense on another man,” said
Basketball
An Atlanta high school basketball coach believes his players must adhere to the basic fundamentals of basketball because he himself can probably not dunk. As a true basketball intellectual, his philosophy is to make the simple play, and any time a player goes for an “up-and-under layup” with no one
Baseball
The Woke Mind Virus. We laughed when brain-dead celebrities first introduced it. We wept when our government’s biased insistence on a “liberal” arts education spread it to our innocent children. But when it came to America’s institutions, we all naively thought we were safe. Sadly, this all got upended on
Lesser Sports
According to rumors circulated and later confirmed by Stephanie, the new talk of the Minnesota Wild’s Xcel Energy Center is the opposing team’s hockey net, which has scandalized the entire arena by totally opening its posts and, we swear to you, letting just about anything inside of it. “Ugh, gag
Football
The National Football League has announced it will be introducing CTE Unawareness Month this coming season. The league will promote the initiative using the hashtag #ForgetAboutCTE. All 32 franchises plan to show their support by outfitting their stadiums and player uniforms with foggy-gray patches which prominently feature the campaign’s slogan,
Basketball
24 years after its death in 1999, Wilt Chamberlain’s penis will be honored at Crypto.com Arena Thursday before the Lakers face the Spurs. Fans 18 and over will receive a commemorative bobble-penis-head figurine, the team’s largest giveaway in history. “We’ve been eyeing Wilt’s stilt for a long time,” said Crypto.com
Baseball
Speaking to a crowd of awed well-wishers from a consulting room in Beth Israel Hospital on Saturday, longtime New York Yankees fan Michael Solari said that he was incredibly honored to have just been diagnosed with Lou Gehrig’s disease. “I had Lou Gehrig’s poster on my wall growing up, but
Lesser Sports
A once-rising star in the textile game has seen his time at the Nike factory in Majalengka come to an unexpected end today when the sports apparel giant announced they wouldn’t pick up his sixth year option after he was maimed during a scaffolding collapse while on the Jordan assembly
Baseball Cancelled Now That Football Is Back
In light of football’s triumphant return to the American sports scene after a harrowing year, league officials have decided to indefinitely cancel the baseball season since it will no longer
NFL Begs Fans To Try And Understand What Owners Are Going Through Right Now
NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell expressed in a press conference on Wednesday his extreme displeasure at the tone in which the American public had used to discuss the various team owners
Reckless Zamboni Driver Cranks It Up To 10MPH
Blinded by a desire to resurface ice faster than anyone else in history, reckless zamboni driver Simon Bernard was seen pushing his vehicle to a blistering 10MPH during last night’s
According To UFC’s Social Media Account, These Two Guys Are Going To Fight Each Other
A recent social media post from UFC made clear that soon two men would be fighting each other with extreme brutality. The post described the two fighters as a male
Did Ref Make A Bad Call By Leaving His Loving Wife?
Amid outcry from close family and friends on both sides of the divide, marriage fans are left wondering whether the decision NFL referee Terry Grier made to leave his loving
First Half Of Push-Up Going Great
Speaking from the floor of his apartment living room on Saturday, local 43-year-old graphic designer and extremely recent fitness enthusiast Ethan Hawley reported that at least one-half of the first
ESPN Gonna Milk This Player’s Dead Dad For All It’s Worth
When the Steelers drafted Clemson receiver Clarence Perry Jr. in the sixth round of last month’s draft, ESPN came prepared to milk every last teardrop from the tragic death of
Drop Fucking Everything: North Dakota-North Dakota State Rivalry Heating Up
Drop fucking everything: The Fighting Hawks are playing the Bison right fucking now and this shit is intense as fuck! The heated UND-NDSU rivalry is in full swing, and all 17 rabid fans in
Patrick Mahomes Buys Chiefs
Shortly after signing a $500 million, 10-year extension with the Kansas City Chiefs, Chiefs superstar Patrick Mahomes decided to use the money to purchase a majority stake in his own
