Football
With other quarterbacks, it’s clear where they stand in the League. Lamar Jackson? Any analyst worth their salt will tell you he’s the Michael Vick of Steve Youngs. Aaron Rodgers? Clearly the Kyrie Irving of Brett Favres. But when it comes to Cowboys quarterback Dak Prescott, every body part on
Basketball
James Dolan accepted the “New York Knicks Owner of The Year Award” last night in a lavish ceremony at Madison Square Garden hosted by James Dolan, and attended by employees and reluctant family members of James Dolan, who were contractually obligated to be there. “There is plenty of competition for
Baseball
Following a near half-century career, Steroids will be joining the ranks of Babe Ruth, Ty Cobb, and Hank Aaron in the pantheon of all-time greats at the Baseball Hall of Fame, where the Baseball Writers’ Association of America announced it will induct Steroids later this year. The decision comes after
Lesser Sports
It doesn’t say anywhere in the rule books that a dog can’t drive a car, but at least for union officials at SAG-AFTRA, there might be a rule soon, as reports from the new ‘Air Bud’ movie claim over 30 stunt dogs have been brutally injured or killed so far
Football
In a surprise ruling, this Tuesday TCU athletic director Jeremiah Donati has decreed that all forms of man-to-man defense are an abomination in the eyes of God. “When God revealed unto Dr. Naismith the rules of basketball, he never intended for man to play one-on-one defense on another man,” said
Basketball
An Atlanta high school basketball coach believes his players must adhere to the basic fundamentals of basketball because he himself can probably not dunk. As a true basketball intellectual, his philosophy is to make the simple play, and any time a player goes for an “up-and-under layup” with no one
Baseball
The Woke Mind Virus. We laughed when brain-dead celebrities first introduced it. We wept when our government’s biased insistence on a “liberal” arts education spread it to our innocent children. But when it came to America’s institutions, we all naively thought we were safe. Sadly, this all got upended on
Lesser Sports
According to rumors circulated and later confirmed by Stephanie, the new talk of the Minnesota Wild’s Xcel Energy Center is the opposing team’s hockey net, which has scandalized the entire arena by totally opening its posts and, we swear to you, letting just about anything inside of it. “Ugh, gag
Football
The National Football League has announced it will be introducing CTE Unawareness Month this coming season. The league will promote the initiative using the hashtag #ForgetAboutCTE. All 32 franchises plan to show their support by outfitting their stadiums and player uniforms with foggy-gray patches which prominently feature the campaign’s slogan,
Basketball
24 years after its death in 1999, Wilt Chamberlain’s penis will be honored at Crypto.com Arena Thursday before the Lakers face the Spurs. Fans 18 and over will receive a commemorative bobble-penis-head figurine, the team’s largest giveaway in history. “We’ve been eyeing Wilt’s stilt for a long time,” said Crypto.com
Baseball
Speaking to a crowd of awed well-wishers from a consulting room in Beth Israel Hospital on Saturday, longtime New York Yankees fan Michael Solari said that he was incredibly honored to have just been diagnosed with Lou Gehrig’s disease. “I had Lou Gehrig’s poster on my wall growing up, but
Lesser Sports
A once-rising star in the textile game has seen his time at the Nike factory in Majalengka come to an unexpected end today when the sports apparel giant announced they wouldn’t pick up his sixth year option after he was maimed during a scaffolding collapse while on the Jordan assembly
NFL Draft Promises To Be Another Year Of Teams Selecting Players In Order
With the 2021 NFL Draft lurking just around the corner, fans won’t have to wait much longer for what promises to be another thrilling year of teams selecting players in
Chargers Trade First-Round Pick To Rams For 17 Fans
In a move sure to shake up the AFC West, the Los Angeles Chargers made a major offseason splash today by trading their first-round draft pick to the Los Angeles
49ers Preemptively Place All Draft Picks On Injured Reserve
With the No. 3 pick in the NFL Draft, the San Francisco 49ers are ready to draft a player who will be the cornerstone of the franchise’s injured reserve roster
Zach Wilson Spends Last Minutes Of Freedom With Loved Ones Before Pending Jets Selection
As the inevitable cruel moment of fate drew near, sources close to the Wilson family report that Zach Wilson spent the last few precious minutes as a non-Jets player delivering
Trevor Lawrence Prepares For Future In Jacksonville by Learning Proper Way To Vomit Jungle Juice Over A Riverwalk Railing
Clemson quarterback and No. 1 overall draft pick Trevor Lawrence is wasting no time in preparing for life in his new city, working tirelessly to learn the complicated etiquette behind
Trevor Lawrence’s Adherence To COVID Guidelines Leaves Jags Wondering If He’ll Be A Good Fit In Florida
Trevor Lawrence’s decision to attend the Cleveland NFL draft remotely in deference to COVID guidelines has left Jacksonville players wondering if the Clemson star will be a good fit in
NBA Replaces Games With Three-Point Contests
Following a vote during the annual NBA Owners meeting last Friday, the league has confirmed it will be replacing its current four-quarter-most-points-wins format with three-point contests. “We can see the
Five Iconic NBA Jerseys You Can Wear To Any Funeral
Sporting a sick NBA jersey to a funeral? Talk about a great way to turn some tears into high-fives. Here are the five most iconic threads you can style while
The Orioles Are For Sale But Who Has $3.78 And Access To Cal Ripken’s Bones?
After 27 years of ownership, Peter Angelos is selling the Baltimore Orioles for the low low price of just $3.78 and Cal Ripken’s bones. At such a bargain price, the
