Football
With other quarterbacks, it’s clear where they stand in the League. Lamar Jackson? Any analyst worth their salt will tell you he’s the Michael Vick of Steve Youngs. Aaron Rodgers? Clearly the Kyrie Irving of Brett Favres. But when it comes to Cowboys quarterback Dak Prescott, every body part on
Basketball
James Dolan accepted the “New York Knicks Owner of The Year Award” last night in a lavish ceremony at Madison Square Garden hosted by James Dolan, and attended by employees and reluctant family members of James Dolan, who were contractually obligated to be there. “There is plenty of competition for
Baseball
Following a near half-century career, Steroids will be joining the ranks of Babe Ruth, Ty Cobb, and Hank Aaron in the pantheon of all-time greats at the Baseball Hall of Fame, where the Baseball Writers’ Association of America announced it will induct Steroids later this year. The decision comes after
Lesser Sports
It doesn’t say anywhere in the rule books that a dog can’t drive a car, but at least for union officials at SAG-AFTRA, there might be a rule soon, as reports from the new ‘Air Bud’ movie claim over 30 stunt dogs have been brutally injured or killed so far
Football
In a surprise ruling, this Tuesday TCU athletic director Jeremiah Donati has decreed that all forms of man-to-man defense are an abomination in the eyes of God. “When God revealed unto Dr. Naismith the rules of basketball, he never intended for man to play one-on-one defense on another man,” said
Basketball
An Atlanta high school basketball coach believes his players must adhere to the basic fundamentals of basketball because he himself can probably not dunk. As a true basketball intellectual, his philosophy is to make the simple play, and any time a player goes for an “up-and-under layup” with no one
Baseball
The Woke Mind Virus. We laughed when brain-dead celebrities first introduced it. We wept when our government’s biased insistence on a “liberal” arts education spread it to our innocent children. But when it came to America’s institutions, we all naively thought we were safe. Sadly, this all got upended on
Lesser Sports
According to rumors circulated and later confirmed by Stephanie, the new talk of the Minnesota Wild’s Xcel Energy Center is the opposing team’s hockey net, which has scandalized the entire arena by totally opening its posts and, we swear to you, letting just about anything inside of it. “Ugh, gag
Football
The National Football League has announced it will be introducing CTE Unawareness Month this coming season. The league will promote the initiative using the hashtag #ForgetAboutCTE. All 32 franchises plan to show their support by outfitting their stadiums and player uniforms with foggy-gray patches which prominently feature the campaign’s slogan,
Basketball
24 years after its death in 1999, Wilt Chamberlain’s penis will be honored at Crypto.com Arena Thursday before the Lakers face the Spurs. Fans 18 and over will receive a commemorative bobble-penis-head figurine, the team’s largest giveaway in history. “We’ve been eyeing Wilt’s stilt for a long time,” said Crypto.com
Baseball
Speaking to a crowd of awed well-wishers from a consulting room in Beth Israel Hospital on Saturday, longtime New York Yankees fan Michael Solari said that he was incredibly honored to have just been diagnosed with Lou Gehrig’s disease. “I had Lou Gehrig’s poster on my wall growing up, but
Lesser Sports
A once-rising star in the textile game has seen his time at the Nike factory in Majalengka come to an unexpected end today when the sports apparel giant announced they wouldn’t pick up his sixth year option after he was maimed during a scaffolding collapse while on the Jordan assembly
New York Yankees Fashion Week Just Pinstripes Again
This coming Saturday marks the return of the annual New York Yankees fashion show, where Yankees player-models and minor league affiliates will strut the runway in the latest Yankees attire.
Scalper Must Really Not Want To Go To Ball Game
This afternoon is a beautiful day for a ballgame, but this scalper must really not want to go. He’s offering $500 for one semi-obstructed, upper deck, mid-season Orioles ticket for
Rockies Power Rankings
It’s that time of year when we take stock of the latest movement in the hierarchy of the Rocky Mountains. Who is climbing? Who has peaked? Keep reading to find
Baseball Purists Still Lobbying For More Fat, Drunk Players
A group of baseball purists who believe the game has gotten too far away from its chubbier, more inebriated roots is continuing to lobby the MLB for harsh requirements on
MLB Suspends Slugger 10 Days For Using Jimmy Eat World’s “The Middle” As Walk-Up Music
Major League Baseball is sending a clear message; terrible music will not be tolerated in their stadium. League officials decided to come down hard on center-fielder, Caleb Weaver, with a
Relief Pitcher Sick Of Hearing About How Tired Starting Pitcher Is
After taking the mound in the bottom of the 7th inning last night, relief pitcher Tommy Laszlo told reporters he’s sick and tired of having to hear how exhausted the
Lonely Pitcher Really Appreciates Mound Visit
Returning to the bullpen on Friday night, San Diego Padres pitcher Chris Paddack mentioned to reporters how incredibly pleased he was that pitching coach Larry Rothschild and catcher Francisco Mejia
Amazing: Watch These Little Leaguers Complete A Triple Play Against Three Very Out Of Shape Kids
During a humid July game in Iowa, a Little League game witnessed an incredible feat of athleticism, accompanied by gross incoordination. The match up today is between the mighty Tigers
Michael Jordan Claims 100th Consecutive One-On-One Victory Against Make-A-Wish Kids
Further solidifying his status as the greatest basketball player of all time, this Saturday Bulls legend Michael Jordan set the world record for most consecutive one-on-one victories against terminally ill
