Football
With other quarterbacks, it’s clear where they stand in the League. Lamar Jackson? Any analyst worth their salt will tell you he’s the Michael Vick of Steve Youngs. Aaron Rodgers? Clearly the Kyrie Irving of Brett Favres. But when it comes to Cowboys quarterback Dak Prescott, every body part on
Basketball
James Dolan accepted the “New York Knicks Owner of The Year Award” last night in a lavish ceremony at Madison Square Garden hosted by James Dolan, and attended by employees and reluctant family members of James Dolan, who were contractually obligated to be there. “There is plenty of competition for
Baseball
Following a near half-century career, Steroids will be joining the ranks of Babe Ruth, Ty Cobb, and Hank Aaron in the pantheon of all-time greats at the Baseball Hall of Fame, where the Baseball Writers’ Association of America announced it will induct Steroids later this year. The decision comes after
Lesser Sports
It doesn’t say anywhere in the rule books that a dog can’t drive a car, but at least for union officials at SAG-AFTRA, there might be a rule soon, as reports from the new ‘Air Bud’ movie claim over 30 stunt dogs have been brutally injured or killed so far
Football
In a surprise ruling, this Tuesday TCU athletic director Jeremiah Donati has decreed that all forms of man-to-man defense are an abomination in the eyes of God. “When God revealed unto Dr. Naismith the rules of basketball, he never intended for man to play one-on-one defense on another man,” said
Basketball
An Atlanta high school basketball coach believes his players must adhere to the basic fundamentals of basketball because he himself can probably not dunk. As a true basketball intellectual, his philosophy is to make the simple play, and any time a player goes for an “up-and-under layup” with no one
Baseball
The Woke Mind Virus. We laughed when brain-dead celebrities first introduced it. We wept when our government’s biased insistence on a “liberal” arts education spread it to our innocent children. But when it came to America’s institutions, we all naively thought we were safe. Sadly, this all got upended on
Lesser Sports
According to rumors circulated and later confirmed by Stephanie, the new talk of the Minnesota Wild’s Xcel Energy Center is the opposing team’s hockey net, which has scandalized the entire arena by totally opening its posts and, we swear to you, letting just about anything inside of it. “Ugh, gag
Football
The National Football League has announced it will be introducing CTE Unawareness Month this coming season. The league will promote the initiative using the hashtag #ForgetAboutCTE. All 32 franchises plan to show their support by outfitting their stadiums and player uniforms with foggy-gray patches which prominently feature the campaign’s slogan,
Basketball
24 years after its death in 1999, Wilt Chamberlain’s penis will be honored at Crypto.com Arena Thursday before the Lakers face the Spurs. Fans 18 and over will receive a commemorative bobble-penis-head figurine, the team’s largest giveaway in history. “We’ve been eyeing Wilt’s stilt for a long time,” said Crypto.com
Baseball
Speaking to a crowd of awed well-wishers from a consulting room in Beth Israel Hospital on Saturday, longtime New York Yankees fan Michael Solari said that he was incredibly honored to have just been diagnosed with Lou Gehrig’s disease. “I had Lou Gehrig’s poster on my wall growing up, but
Lesser Sports
A once-rising star in the textile game has seen his time at the Nike factory in Majalengka come to an unexpected end today when the sports apparel giant announced they wouldn’t pick up his sixth year option after he was maimed during a scaffolding collapse while on the Jordan assembly
Zach Wilson Checks Himself Into Rehab After Wild Night In New York Cafe
Following the surprise upset of the juggernaut Philadelphia Eagles, backup New York Jets and devout Mormon Zach Wilson shocked the football world after checking himself into a rehab program following
Urban Meyer Asks Jaguars GM To Schedule Game Against Rutgers Next Year
Looking to turn his team into a blue-chip program, Jags coach Urban Meyer has asked the team’s GM if he could pencil in a game against Rutgers University next year.
Quiz: Can You Win Enough Championships to Remain In Archie Manning’s Will?
Sports Riot has discovered the secret formula for staying in the Manning patriarch’s will. Do you have what it takes? 1) How many Super Bowls have you won or
Metlife Stadium Becomes First Building In History To Suffer From Clinical Depression
Home to both the Giants and Jets, MetLife Stadium in East Rutherford, New Jersey has become the first building in history to be diagnosed with clinical depression. The landmark diagnosis
Jaguars Fans Denounce Urban Meyer After Video Surfaces Of Him Keeping Shirt On While Partying
Fans of the Jacksonville Jaguars have taken to social media this Saturday to express outrage and disgust over reports that Urban Meyer was seen partying with his shirt on last
Hedge Fund Scouts Sent To Harvard-Yale Game
One of the oldest rivalries in college football will take place next month. But instead of the stands being filled with fans, the only people in attendance will be scouts
Underdog Hero: Meet The Man Who Became A Successful Motivational Speaker Despite Never Doing Anything Impressive
Rudy Ruettiger has taken his notoriously unsuccessful football career and turned it into a living as a motivational speaker. Isn’t that neat? More impressive is not only was Rudy able
Here Are Four Bold Predictions For This Year’s NFL Season And One Weak, Spineless One
The NFL season is in full swing, and the football minds at Sports Riot have compiled four completely outrageous predictions. These predictions aren’t just bold, they’re italicized, underlined, and BOLD-bold. And
Opinion: I Could Have Made That Play
With the game on the line in the fourth quarter, my favorite NFL team tried to execute what should have been a simple play: The quarterback tries to QB sneak
