Football
With other quarterbacks, it’s clear where they stand in the League. Lamar Jackson? Any analyst worth their salt will tell you he’s the Michael Vick of Steve Youngs. Aaron Rodgers? Clearly the Kyrie Irving of Brett Favres. But when it comes to Cowboys quarterback Dak Prescott, every body part on
Basketball
James Dolan accepted the “New York Knicks Owner of The Year Award” last night in a lavish ceremony at Madison Square Garden hosted by James Dolan, and attended by employees and reluctant family members of James Dolan, who were contractually obligated to be there. “There is plenty of competition for
Baseball
Following a near half-century career, Steroids will be joining the ranks of Babe Ruth, Ty Cobb, and Hank Aaron in the pantheon of all-time greats at the Baseball Hall of Fame, where the Baseball Writers’ Association of America announced it will induct Steroids later this year. The decision comes after
Lesser Sports
It doesn’t say anywhere in the rule books that a dog can’t drive a car, but at least for union officials at SAG-AFTRA, there might be a rule soon, as reports from the new ‘Air Bud’ movie claim over 30 stunt dogs have been brutally injured or killed so far
Football
In a surprise ruling, this Tuesday TCU athletic director Jeremiah Donati has decreed that all forms of man-to-man defense are an abomination in the eyes of God. “When God revealed unto Dr. Naismith the rules of basketball, he never intended for man to play one-on-one defense on another man,” said
Basketball
An Atlanta high school basketball coach believes his players must adhere to the basic fundamentals of basketball because he himself can probably not dunk. As a true basketball intellectual, his philosophy is to make the simple play, and any time a player goes for an “up-and-under layup” with no one
Baseball
The Woke Mind Virus. We laughed when brain-dead celebrities first introduced it. We wept when our government’s biased insistence on a “liberal” arts education spread it to our innocent children. But when it came to America’s institutions, we all naively thought we were safe. Sadly, this all got upended on
Lesser Sports
According to rumors circulated and later confirmed by Stephanie, the new talk of the Minnesota Wild’s Xcel Energy Center is the opposing team’s hockey net, which has scandalized the entire arena by totally opening its posts and, we swear to you, letting just about anything inside of it. “Ugh, gag
Football
The National Football League has announced it will be introducing CTE Unawareness Month this coming season. The league will promote the initiative using the hashtag #ForgetAboutCTE. All 32 franchises plan to show their support by outfitting their stadiums and player uniforms with foggy-gray patches which prominently feature the campaign’s slogan,
Basketball
24 years after its death in 1999, Wilt Chamberlain’s penis will be honored at Crypto.com Arena Thursday before the Lakers face the Spurs. Fans 18 and over will receive a commemorative bobble-penis-head figurine, the team’s largest giveaway in history. “We’ve been eyeing Wilt’s stilt for a long time,” said Crypto.com
Baseball
Speaking to a crowd of awed well-wishers from a consulting room in Beth Israel Hospital on Saturday, longtime New York Yankees fan Michael Solari said that he was incredibly honored to have just been diagnosed with Lou Gehrig’s disease. “I had Lou Gehrig’s poster on my wall growing up, but
Lesser Sports
A once-rising star in the textile game has seen his time at the Nike factory in Majalengka come to an unexpected end today when the sports apparel giant announced they wouldn’t pick up his sixth year option after he was maimed during a scaffolding collapse while on the Jordan assembly
Prospect Of Mariners In World Series Has Seattle Resident Too Excited To Sleep Under Bridge
After 24 long years, the Mariners have made it past the first round of the MLB playoffs, reaching an ALCS against the Toronto Blue Jays in what many Seattle superfans
Joe Burrow Welcomes Joe Flacco to Cincinnati by Pointing Out Area’s Best Hospitals
When Joe Flacco arrived in Cincinnati, he received nothing short of a hero’s welcome. To show his brother-in-arms love, current injured Bengals quarterback Joe Burrow has graciously driven Mr. Flacco
Apology From Our Editors: Lou Gehrig Didn’t Die From ALCS
We no longer consider ourselves the luckiest people on the face of the earth as The Sports Riot editorial team would like to issue a sincere correction regarding a long-standing
Titans Pay Tribute to Titan Submersible By Also Imploding at Lowest Point
Over two years since the nation was gripped by the Titan submersible disappearing while on a voyage to the Titanic, the Tennessee Titans have become a moving tribute to this
Cubs Honor Ryne Sandberg By Not The Winning World Series This Season
Following the death of Hall of Fame second baseman Ryne Sandburg in July, the Cubs decided to dedicate the 2025 season to honoring old “Ryno’s” legacy. The entire organization, in
Indianapolis Prosecutors To Consider Mark Sanchez’s Period With Jets As Time Served
Hopeless. Suffocating. A death sentence. These are all terms prosecutors used in court to legally-frame playing under the New York Jets. Mark Sanchez’s stint with the franchise was particularly harrowing
Manning Family Forcing Arch To Change Last Name To “Leaf”
Squeezing into Arch’s Texas dorm room, family members gathered to deliver some unfortunate news – the sophomore quarterback from a long lineage of excellence will soon be donning a lesser
Jeffrey Epstein’s Number To Be Retired By Nashville Predators
In Nashville on Friday, in a ceremony long anticipated by the Predator community, Jeffrey Epstein had his jersey number retired forever cementing him in Predator fans hearts and on all-time
Daniel Jones Forced To Put DoorDash Career On Hold
Restaurant owners and hungry stoners across Indianapolis are reeling as five-star DoorDash recruit Daniel Jones has been forced to put his delivery career on hold to pursue his other hobby:
