FOOTBALL

Taylor Swift Gives Travis Kelce One More Chance To Win A Super Bowl And Propose The Right Way

“Erection Day, November 5th was so overrated. I walked around with a huge dick all day and nobody did anything.”
–Rob Gronkowski

“Eberflus and Waldron are great coaches and I have 100% faith in them.”
–Caleb Williams, failing a concussion test

“I don’t agree with all his policies, but you can’t argue with his results.”
–Gronk, on Santa Clause

Study Finds That 86 Percent Of Third Downs Are ‘Big Third Downs,’ Up 12 Percent From Last Year
A study released by the Pew Research Center on Monday suggests that “big third downs” are at an all-time high 86 percent this season, following a relatively stable 2024 in

Penn State Calls 2025 Season The Most Disgusting Thing To Ever Take Place On Team’s Facilities
After a dismal 6-6 season, the Penn State Athletics Department released a statement to fans and the media addressing the unprecedentedly reprehensible start for the organization. “We here at Penn

Dak Prescott Predicts NFC Championship Run, NFL Reviewing Film For Severe Hit To Head
The blue tent is coming out early this year for Cowboys gunslinger Dak Prescott. After announcing to reporters that America’s Team is “primed for a deep playoff run,” the QB

Aaron Rodgers Demanding To Know Why He’s Not Being Considered For NFL Coach Of The Year
As NFL award battles begin to heat up, the season’s top contenders are all but set. Unless one were to ask Aaron Rodgers, who is yet again furiously insisting he

Sports Riot Update: Our Keyboard Physically Won’t Let Us Type “Fwirst Placet Bearbs”
At Sports Riot, we try to cover the NFL season as closely as possible. However, we’ve run into a bit of a problem: despite them currently leading the NFC North,

Dan Campbell Reminded By Staff He Doesn’t Need To Mercy-Kill Injured Players
Detroit’s artificial turf is quickly becoming a killing field as the Lions’ staff struggles to convince Dan Campbell, a head coach famous for making gutsy calls, that he doesn’t need

Cam Skattebo’s Father Revealed To Be Crash Test Dummy
Ever since Cam Skattebo cannonballed into the NFL with few words and many headbutts, millions of football fans have found unity in one question — “What’s this guy’s deal?” Now,

Jets Announcers Under Mistaken Impression ‘Garbage Time’ Refers To All Four Quarters
Jets radio announcers Bob Wischusen and Anthony Becht spent the entirety of Sunday’s broadcast referring to every moment of play as “garbage time” a term that refers the closing minutes




