FOOTBALL

Stefon Diggs Grateful Most Patriots Fans Too Consistently Drunk To Remember He Used To Play For Rival Ream

“He had a missle crisis in his pants, too.”
–Virginia McCaskey, on her brief relationship with JFK

“Is Joy Taylor looking for employment??”
–Jerry Jones, frantically calling every number in his phone

Pete Carroll Thinking About Taking Year Off Of NFL To Coach At North Carolina And Fuck 24-Year-Olds
After an unsuccessful year in Las Vegas, Pete Carroll’s brief tenure as the Raiders head coach has ended. However after a long and storied career in the NFL, Carroll is

Revealed: Aaron Rodgers Contract To Be Paid Entirely In Attention
In a groundbreaking contract restructuring, the Steelers have agreed to Aaron Rodgers’ terms that he be paid entirely in attention. While this is an NFL first, nobody in the organization

Fuck: We Just Asked Aaron Rodgers A Question And Now He’s Reflecting
Okay, so this one’s probably on us. Everyone knows the first rule of journalism is “Never ask Aaron Rodgers a question.” Well, we did and — holy shit — he’s

We Got The Chance To Talk With Andy Dalton And Politely Declined
Last Sunday, after a long day of insider reporting, all we wanted was a relaxing cup of coffee. We were in line at a Starbucks at the Wayfield Mall in

Experts Weigh In: Is This Finally The Year Ohio State and Michigan Just Fuck Already?
For over 125 years, Ohio State and Michigan have been dragging out the game of “will they, won’t they.” Now, the generation-spanning question is finally reaching its climax — can

An Apology From Our Editors: The “Point Spread” Is Not In The Kama Sutra
In early Spring of 2017, Sports Riot unfortunately published a piece about gambling in which the “Point Spread” was thoroughly detailed as an act of the Kama Sutra. We deeply

Terry Bradshaw MRI Reveals Rare “Bucket Of Chicken Instead of Brain” Disease
After a seemingly normal moment in which Fox NFL Sunday Commentator Terry Bradshaw was asked if the Carolina Panthers could win the NFC South and proceeded to go on a

Jaguars Fan Being Awfully Smug For Someone Whose Van Was Just Repossessed
Local Jaguars fan Randy C. was in unusually high spirits Tuesday afternoon despite arriving at an Arby’s on a bicycle, shirtless, shoeless, and visibly missing a van that had been





