FOOTBALL
Report: Giants Bench Daniel Jones In Favor Of Hiking Ball Into Empty Backfield
The New York Giants have just announced they will be benching their $160 million dollar starting quarterback in favor of simply having their center snap the ball blindly into the backfield. “The data is all there,” said Giants head coach Brian Daboll. “We as an organization have looked at the latest state-of-the-art AI analytics, and […]
“He told me only cowards made the Super Bowl.”
–Jordan Love, on playoff advice Aaron Rodgers
“Let’s get silly. You and me.”
–Mark Davis, Vegas Raiders Owner, speaking directly to his line of cocaine
“It might surprise you people, but I believe in reparations.”
–Jerry Jones, on having players pay back their salaries after a disappointing season
“I’ve made arrangements to be shot out of a dick cannon.”
–Jerry Jones, what he’ll do if the Cowboys win the big one
Debate Time: Can A Ram Kill A Lion? Aaron Rodgers Got Us High As Fuck And Now We’re Arguing With Him
We’ll report back with the final debate results after the room stops spinning, right now our hands feel really incredible and the world is connected to the universe through love
Report: A Kelce Brother Is Probably Fucking Right Now
A shocking new study released by the NFL has revealed that, given any moment chances are, a Kelce brother is likely having sex. Whether it is a global pop superstar
Mayor Of Cleveland Prepares To Set Fire To River Again Before Next Watson Allegations Drop
Cleveland mayor Justin Bibb announced Wednesday a $2.1 million measure to prepare the Cuyahoga River to catch fire immediately in the case that Browns quarterback Deshaun Watson faces another sexual-misconduct
‘Peacock’ And 5 Other Made-Up Streaming Services With NFL Games
With the Wild West that has become the online streaming platform market, it was only a matter of time until pranksters got in on the action and swindled the broadcasting
Now It Makes Sense: Mark Davis Has Been Dead For 3 Years
Shedding light on a question NFL fans and journalists alike have often raised, the Clark County Coroner’s Office in Las Vegas released an official statement on Thursday that Raiders owner
Terrible Towel Doubles As Dating Red Flag
You perused a few games yesterday while you’re swiping through the dating apps over this morning’s coffee and there it is! Finally the wait is over! You find someone that
“Tush Push” And 5 Other NFL Plays That Describe Your Pathetic Sex Life
Football, like sex, is a lot more fun when you can actually convert and make it into the end zone. And while the Tush Push might have a 92% success
Dick Sucking: Should We Add It To Football?
Like most Americans, we’ve been thinking a lot about how to improve the NFL and the game we love. And it got us thinking: Should we add dick-sucking to football?
