BREAKING: Stanley Cup Arrested In Florida For DUI
“Do you even know who I am?” slurred the 133-year-old Stanley Cup to a Broward County patrol officer after being pulled over for DUI late Friday night. According to a
Trump Threatens To Pull Funding From Tight End University
Continuing his battle with institutions of higher education such as Harvard, Columbia, and the historically black Cornerback State, President Trump announced today that he intends to withhold all federal funding
Jets and Sauce Gardner Agree to Four-Year, Five-Win Deal
In a groundbreaking deal for the New York Jets, the team and All-Pro cornerback Sauce Gardner agreed to a deal keeping the star locked in the green abyss for the
BREAKING: Turns Out Baseball Was Invented In Tibet; America Invades
A new study out of Vanderbilt, claiming that Tibet invented baseball, shocked the White House and left the U.S. with no other option but to invade. United States military fired
Justin Verlander And Kate Upton Have Second Child Delivery Clocked At 98 MPH
Justin Verlander and Kate Upton welcomed their second child earlier this month, with the delivery reportedly clocking in at 98 MPH, the fastest recorded in the StatBirthCast era. Verlander, labored
Spooked Trevor Lawrence Tells Travis Hunter There’s Still Time To Get Out
Shortly after being drafted second overall by the Jacksonville Jaguars, Heisman trophy winner Travis Hunter was greeted by a startling sight: a terrified and haggard Trevor Lawrence, warning Hunter to
Phew: Justin Tucker Receives Presidential Pardon
There’s a happy ending after all for shiatsu superfan/embattled NFL star Justin Tucker. The world’s greatest foot has been given a hand via a Presidential pardon. “When my assistant told
Pitcher Beginning To Wonder If This Mound Visit Could Have Been An Email
Washington Nationals starter Brian Bluugo was cruising through the fourth last night. Suddenly, he noticed pitching coach Jim Hickey jog out of the dugout with Brent Miller from Brand Marketing.
On Death’s Doorstep: This Running Back Is 29
Family and friends have gathered at Texans training camp to remember Pro Bowl running back Nick Chubb as he enters his seventh season in the league at the age of
