Brother-Sister Figure Skating Duo Definitely Fucking, Right?
The other day, I was sitting in my home, enjoying figure skating like all red-blooded American men do. Tragically, my joy quickly dissipated when a tandem of brother-sister figure skating
In Last Ditch Effort To Avoid War With Russia, Joe Biden Deploys 1980 Olympic Hockey Team
Joe Biden deployed the full roster of the 1980 United States Olympic Hockey Team to eastern Ukraine this past weekend in hopes the ragtag group could pull off another miracle
After Years Of Signals, Pitcher And Catcher Live Happily Ever After
Following three years of shaking off catcher Tommy Belisle’s signals, Tacoma Rainiers pitcher Richie Stein has finally nodded “yes.” The Triple-A teammates met in 2019, when Stein was called up
Why, Though?: Detroit Lions Just Announced Voluntary Rebrand To ‘Detroit Football Team’
When the 2022 season begins, fans with a watchful eye may notice an interesting change. Starting this offseason, the Detroit Lions will undergo a voluntary rebrand to become the Detroit
Hear Us Out: More Fuckable Umpires
When you’re at an MLB game, you want a cold beer, a jumbo hotdog, and an umpire who is ready to fuck. Fans across America have voiced their frustration with
Classic!: Team Mascot Pratfalls Into Coma
Baseball fans were treated to an action-packed performance today after the Triple-A Pomona Speedster’s mascot, Turbo, performed a series of daring stunts that sent him soaring into the hearts of
Wow!: NFL Star Only 3 Yards Away From Breaking Another Restraining Order
Having already smashed the NFL’s record for Class A misdemeanors, wide receiver Cooper Chase stands only three yards away from breaking an incredible eleventh restraining order in a single season.
Philly Dad Excited To Teach Son How To Throw Batteries
Frantically searching through the family junk drawer in hopes of finding the desired training materials, Philadelphia resident and proud father Robert Goldmill was reportedly excited to finally teach his son
Stanley Cup Prepares For Another Year Of Hanging Out With Drunk Assholes
After spending the past year perpetually partying and nursing hangovers with the Tampa Bay Lightning, the Stanley Cup has reportedly been mentally preparing itself for another year of hanging out
