Report: United States Willing To Trade Nukes To Serbia For More Nikola Jokics
During a joint press conference with the US Department of Defense and the NBA, the United States today formally announced that they would be willing to trade nuclear warheads to
Want Gains? Which Pre-Workout Mid-Workout Post-Workout Powder Should You Constantly Shovel Into Your Weak Fucking Face?
Hey, bro. You lift? You powder? You lift but you don’t powder? Dude . . . You do know powder’s key, right? You have to be ingesting powder at all
We Investigate: Why Did The NBA All-Star Game Fail To Heal America?
Despite bringing together the biggest and brightest basketball, social activist, political, and artistic luminaries from all over this great republic for the annual tradition of national healing, this year’s NBA
Report: Top 5 Other Conspiracies Kyrie Irving Also Believes Happened On The Grassy Knoll
Flat Earther Kyrie Irving is the NBA’s conspiracy GOAT. And today, Uncle Drew just dropped another 5 piping-hot-crackpipe conspiracies about that little patch of greenery in Dallas referred to as
Breaking: Gritty Bends Over On Ice To Give Birth To Smaller Amniotic-Fluid-Soaked Gritty
Onlookers at Wells Fargo Center were given a rare, beautiful glimpse into the natural world on Wednesday, as beloved Flyers mascot Gritty paused from riling up the crowd in the
An Apology From Our Editors: Wilt Chamberlain Was Not On The Challenger, As Previously Reported
On January 29, 1986, Sports Riot heroically covered the Space Shuttle Challenger’s abbreviated flight and sudden disintegration 46,000 feet above the Atlantic Ocean. Wilt Chamberlain was not, however, on that
Report: If We Can’t Football No More, What Can Do? By: Robert Gronkowski
Football! Now that football gone, does mean gone forever? What are we when football leave? I am football man Robert Gronkowski and I asking: When we can’t football no more,
Report: ESPN NFL Power Rankings List To Enjoy 6 Months Of Wild, Baseless Speculation
ESPN assured fans Monday that, though they won’t see another official down until Labor Day, the network will continue to pump out cutting-edge, unfounded, and downright bizarre guesswork for its
Report: “Elder Abuse” And 5 Other Crimes Travis Kelce Can Get Away With
Travis Kelce is America’s Tight End. He wins Super Bowls, dates starlets, and abuses elders. You love it. We love it. Like – what can’t he do? More importantly —
