We Rank Each ESPN Analyst Based On How Long We’d Wait Before Pulling Them From A Burning Car
An SUV full of ESPN analysts just collided with an overturned tanker truck and is now engulfed in flames. The fire department is twenty minutes away, so we’ve taken this
Helicopter Training Video Doesn’t Even Mention Kobe’s Stats
Letter after letter continued to funnel in expressing OUTRAGE to Boston Helicopters located in North Andover, MA. Lance Mulligan, Boston Helicopters facility owner, operator, pilot, and longtime Celtics fan released
Is Kevin Durant 5 Hall Of Famers Away From Another Title?
Some fans call him soft. Others, like Twitter user @DevinKurant argue he’s the greatest of all time. Since the superstar forward has lacked elite talent around him throughout his career,
Debate Time: Tom Brady Vs Joe Montana, But It’s 1792 Japan And They Both Have Throwing Stars
It’s a debate as old as time: Tom Brady vs. Joe Montana. Who would win? Who’s the greatest ever? We know what you’re thinking, dear reader. What if this was
Jacksonville Jaguars GM Mulls Over Which Prospect They Want To Ruin With 2023 No. 1 Pick
Sources close to Jacksonville Jaguars general manager Trent Baalke have reported that the team seems tantalizingly close to finalizing which college football player’s life they will decide to irrevocably destroy
NASCAR Disbands After Nissan Leaf Makes It Through Qualifying
The organization formerly known as NASCAR disbanded Thursday following the qualifying of its first-ever Nissan Leaf. The Daytona 500 takes the top 42 qualifiers of Bluegreen Vacations Duel’s 150-lap race;
Next Global Pandemic Traced Back To Whatever’s In This NASCAR Chili Dog
The CDC reported Sunday to have traced the cause of the next pandemic to whatever is inside this NASCAR chili dog. The health agency sent a team of leading scientists
Finally: NFL Releases Statement Denying Pat Tillman Died Of CTE
Nearly 20 years after Pat Tillman’s death, the NFL has finally clarified the former Arizona Cardinals safety did not die of CTE while on patrol in Afghanistan. Commissioner Roger Goodell
Brother-Sister Figure Skating Duo Definitely Fucking, Right?
The other day, I was sitting in my home, enjoying figure skating like all red-blooded American men do. Tragically, my joy quickly dissipated when a tandem of brother-sister figure skating
