Portland Trail Blazers Discover New NBA Team While Exploring Mountains Of Oregon
Predicting their findings could fundamentally change the way humans understand basketball, the Portland Trail Blazers announced that they have discovered a formerly unknown NBA team inhabiting a remote section of
Hurdler Not Feeling Very Hurdly Lately
Lakeview High School hurdler Sheila Thompson, known for being one of the most hurdly people in school, admitted today that she, unfortunately, isn’t feeling very hurdly at all. Thompson said
Frank Thomas Opens Plus-Sized Store Called “The Big Shirt”
This Saturday, Former White Sox slugger Frank Thomas celebrated the grand opening of his new men’s apparel store, The Big Shirt, the first ever clothing store for men too big
Divorced Man Enters Rebuilding Year
Arriving back from the courthouse this past Monday, Mark Shevlin entered a season of uncertainty. Despite best efforts and a team-first attitude, Shevlin’s divorce has spiraled him into a rebuilding
Top 5 Trade Candidates
The ink is barely dry on China’s trade deal with the US, and everyone’s speculating which side got the better end of the bargain. Will the US remain the most
World’s Sports Fans Shrug, Begin Reading Dostoevsky
With the threat of coronavirus cancelling or postponing almost the entirety of the world’s sporting events this month, fans of sports worldwide have largely responded with a collective shrug and
5 Signs You’re Too Ugly To Root For Jimmy Garoppolo
When I first saw Jimmy Garoppolo, I said, “Have mercy! John Stamos is 22 again!” I decided that he’s so attractive that no ugly person should be able to root
Hear Us Out: The WNBA But Instead Of Women The W Stands For White Guys
Let’s be honest, after 25 plus years, the WNBA just isn’t working out. The only way to improve the league while keeping its name intact is to change the W
